Bloody Good News: Another Week, Another Terrible Take From A Musician

Our Top Story: Fozzy singer and current wrestling blowhard Chris Jericho added his name to the list of musicians recently who have made statements I can't quantify as anything other than asinine. Thankfully, his are not related to those we covered last week, where we had to deal with musicians appearing to be willing to sacrifice their fans health to get back to their normal lifestyles. Jericho is being stupid, but in a less dangerous way. Let's see what he said:

"To me, listen, I'm a musician. I get it. I don't care. I'm a fan. But if you're going to a rock and roll show and you're sitting in a crowd live and going, 'Wow, this band sounds like shit,' then maybe you're missing the point of why you're here in the first place. It's easy to watch a YouTube video back and go, 'That didn't sound great.' That's not the point. It's when you're there and you're in the moment and you're enjoying the show and the energy, that's the most important thing."

Yes, there is a degree to which a live concert is about the energy and spirit, but that only extends so far. Jericho's comments, as I'm reading them, say it doesn't matter if a band sucks. Well, yes Chris, it certainly does matter if the band the fans paid good money to see aren't up to the task of playing live. Even if the experience is more than just the music, the music is still the main draw and the reason people go to shows. People don't flock to Def Leppard shows and avoid Fozzy just because one band has more attractive fans to be in a venue with, it's because they want to hear one band's music and not the other.

But Jericho is revealing something more sinister about the relationship between fans and music; fans don't hold bands accountable. If a band plays a show and sounds like shit, they're still going to sell just as many tickets the next time around. If a band plays a show that is loaded with pre-recorded tracks, they're still going to sell just as many tickets the next time around. We learned this lesson from the hologram tours that were popping up before the industry shutdown, where there was nothing at all live about performances by dead musicians. Going to one of those shows is truly no different than watching a concert DVD, other than the increased cost, increased hassle, and throngs of foul people too close to you.

What that, along with Jericho's comments, tell us is that both fans and bands are admitting a lot of people at shows aren't listening to the music. They go to get drunk, yell, and try to forget they aren't teenagers anymore. If you were serious about the music, you would care when bands are fooling you, you would care when bands aren't good enough justify their ticket price.

This goes along with another comment Jericho made in that same conversation:

"I really don't care at this point. If they're out there playing and doing the best they can, and there's tricks they can use to make it better, if need be."

He is talking as a fan, but it's hard to hear that without acknowledging his careers. As a fan, maybe he doesn't care that Paul Stanley (who he was talking about) can barely sing KISS songs anymore. I find that attitude to be puzzling, as I would rather remember my favorite artists at their best, and not when they were shells of themselves performing an hour of embarrassment on stage every night. But that's his right. I felt humilated on Meat Loaf's behalf when he couldn't even muster his voice in the studio on his last record, but that's just my take.

What's harder to accept is the implication in Jericho's commentary that his attitude could extend to himself. If he doesn't care as a fan if a singer sounds awful, does that mean he won't care when he himself gets to that stage? Is Jericho saying he'll still be out there taking people's money when he can't actually deliver a good performance? In wrestling, he's been able to stick around past his athletic prime by changing the way he does things. He does more comedy and 'garbage wrestling' than he used to, and it works. But as a singer, he can't hide his voice behind a gimmicked table and some bad face paint. If you can't sing, you either sound terrible, or you commit fraud by playing tapes. Either way, an artist should have more respect for their audience than to perform when they cant'.

Ozzy never should have toured when he had a second singer behind the curtain doubling his lines to make sure they sounded ok. Paul Stanley shouldn't have been touring when all available evidence indicated they were playing tapes of his vocals. The same will be true of Jericho when he can't sing his own songs anymore.

For a musician to say he doesn't care if a live show sucks, it's a damning statement.

EP Review: Louise Lemon - Devil

Sometimes, a certain phrase will catch my attention in a way that a song or video wouldn't be able to. So when I saw Louise Lemon's new EP greet me with the description of her as 'the death gospel queen', I liked the turn of phrase enough that I had to listen to the music. To be fair, I reviewed her previous album, so there was a good chance I would have anyway, but that description won me over, for sure. And when the rest of the press materials say these songs are intended to be more raw and organic, that sealed the deal. In this day and age of everything being so plastic and perfected, music that sounds natural is often the perfect antidote.

The title track starts things off with a smokey atmosphere and an evil jazzy piano line. It immediately sets a tone that's a perfect fit for Louise's voice, which goes from cooing in the verses to an occult echo in the chorus. There's a laid-back sense of cool to the hazy darkness Louise is singing from. It's a sound that wouldn't be as effective with a more shimmering production. Choosing to keep things raw highlights the nuances of the performance. It was a wise decision.

The 'death gospel' vibe continues on with "Forever Alone", where we can imagine Louise singing these songs in a jazz club in a horror movie, a soundtrack that sounds sweet for an undercurrent that is more sinister. The songs are kept simple, letting Louise's voice and melodies shine over the top of the restrained instrumentation. This is a rare occasion where the slight muddiness of the production helps, because the fog her voice is atop is the most fitting backdrop. These songs shine when they don't shine, that is to say.

The only issue is that these five songs make for even a short EP, with a couple not even hitting three minutes. For music like this working so heavily on atmosphere, I'm not sure this is a long enough release to properly wash that sound over us. I'm only just beginning to feel the right sensation when it's over. I know it's an EP, and it's not supposed to be the same kind of artistic statement as a full-length, but it still feels a bit lacking. Leaving me wanting more is certainly better than giving me more than I want, so I won't fault her too much.

I'll say this; Louise Lemon has found something with this EP. These songs, and this sound, are a wonderful example of what she's capable of. This is a big step forward for her, and something well worth hearing if 'death gospel' sounds like it's your cup of tea. Twin Temple has been doing 'satanic doo-wop', and this could be a throwback companion. I wouldn't mind more, but I like what we have here. Well done.

Album Review: Sorcerer - Lamenting Of The Innocent

A couple years ago, Sorcerer did something rather remarkable, putting out a record that elevated doom more than any other I have ever heard. "The Crowning Of The Fire King" was a doom record, but it was painted with a brighter brush, and expanded in grand fashion in every direction. It was heavy, glorious, and epic in a way that went far beyond simply being long. It was optimistic doom, if you will, and a record that was an instant entrant into the top tier of the genre. That happens so rarely these days, and for a record to pull me into a genre I usually find tedious, it was a statement that Sorcerer was doing something truly special.

So now that the time has come to follow up that record, we're left with the inevitable question; how do you follow a classic?

For Sorcerer, that means continuing to expand their sound in new directions. What was already a mix of doom and power metal now incorporates even more sounds, but have they spread themselves too thin? They very well might have. There are elements to this record that pull the band away from what made the previous one such a success. "The Hammer Of The Witches" opens things in fine fashion, but when we get to the end of the chorus section, it falls into a section that is supposed to be a massive chant, but it slows things down and strips away the melody the song had built up. It's a case of sounding smaller by trying to sound bigger.

The title track is a lovely slow melodic song, and then there's a random section where growling vocals and double-bass drumming comes in, which not only breaks up the flow, but isn't handled with particular care. The transition in and out is haphazard, and snipping those seconds out of the song would make the entire track both flow and sound better. It was an addition that didn't need to be there, and I don't feel adds anything to the track.

When they stick to their bread-and-butter, the results are typically great. Both the faster "Insitoris" and the slower "Where Spirits Die" are Sorcerer at their best, with forlorn guitars and wailing vocals full of sorrowful melody. They're so good at doing that it frustrates me even more they feel the need to try new things so obviously outside their wheelhouse. Sorcerer doesn't need to take any cues from extreme metal. They don't need to throw in growls to try to keep up with the times. Great music is timeless, and that's what "The Crowning Of The Fire King" was.

The majority of this album falls into the same category, although the songs don't quite have the same magic. It's always asking a lot to equal or top such an album, so it's not a surprise Sorcerer falls a bit short of their own epic high. Instead of an album that is as good as doom has ever been, we get one that is merely as good as doom will possibly be this year. Is that nit-picking? Yeah, it probably is, but my job here it to be honest about what I'm hearing, and I can't do that without telling you I wasn't floored in the same way "The Crowning Of The Fire King" got to me.

Still, doom is a hard genre to keep moving and interesting, and Sorcerer is still as good at it as anyone. I know there was a lot of praise for Candlemass' 'comeback' album last year, but Sorcerer is better than them on every level. The songwriting is both stronger and more nuanced, the production is wonderful and doesn't rely on dirt to make things sound heavy, and the vocals are fantastic. If the only flaw is that you have done better yourself, and not that anyone else has topped you, doesn't that say everything?

Album Review:Her Chariot Awaits - Her Chariot Awaits

Sometimes you know what you're going to get without ever hitting the play button. Certain people are incapable of changing, and time doesn't always give us the option of seeing them in a different light. Case in point; I knew I wasn't going to love Her Chariot Awaits before I sat down to listen to the album, since it is the product of guitarist Mike Orlando. If that name isn't familiar, and really it shouldn't be, he is the guitarist from the ultra-disappointing 'supergroup' Adrenaline Mob. That band wasted vast amounts of potential, and just knowing how little I cared for that band, a new one from him wasn't lighting my world on fire.

This is better than Adrealine Mob, if for no other reason than the presence of Ailyn as the singer means the 'look how big my balls are' swagger that ruined Adrenaline Mob can't be present here. The music might be in the same style, but losing the macho posturing does it a world of good. If there's one thing I hate more than rockers telling me how much they rock, it's men telling me how manly they are.

The music this project gives us is high-energy radio rock, a fast and aggressive sort of rock definitely aimed at getting mainstream attention. There are some songs here that would certainly fit in with what the radio tends to play, but that might also be its downfall. The record is such an obvious attempt to break through that it might feel a bit cloying, plus aiming for radio play means certain elements have to be up to a certain par. That would mostly be the production, where this album does not polished enough to get much airplay. The guitars are grainy, the vocals don't cut through the mix, and the entire thing sounds muddy. If this gets played right after a song from one of the big names, the difference is obvious, and devastating. You have to compete with your peers, and this record doesn't measure up in that respect.

As far as the songs go, things are better. They are solid tracks with good hooks that hold some real appeal. I think a lot of the record is played a bit faster than it should be, trying to build up energy, but the writing is there. If you just put the record on without thinking about it, it's a fairly enjoyable bit of modern rock that I wouldn't have any issue listening to. The problem is that I do think, usually far too much, and I hear the flaws every time I try to get through this. They aren't deal-breakers, but it's hard not to hear missed potential when you know it's there.

If Mike Orlando could clean up the production, and just calm down a bit, Her Chariot Awaits has potential to be a solid band going forward. This album is a first step, and has the usual growing pains for something that just came together. This record is good enough to clear the bar, but that should be a floor and not a ceiling. It doesn't quite feel that way in this case.

Bloody Good News: Shinedown or Bonamassa - The Bigger Asshat Is.....

They say that crisis reveals character, and if that is the case, we are definitely being exposed to the ugly interior of some of the musicians we deal with. While there have been scores of them promoting safety, and raising money for the members of their crews who aren't able to work, we've also had more than a few who are proudly putting themselves in the basket of deplorables.

Our Top Story: Shinedown made waves when they announced their plans to get their summer tour back into gear at the end of July. Their meandering statements said that they are "not afraid to play for you", and that they want to follow all safety and medical advice, despite no one saying concerts packed with fans will be a good idea at any time this year as of yet. But that contradiction was not the worst part of it, as frontman Brent Smith went on to say "you can't stay inside forever. Your immune system and everything about this virus, I want people to understand this, is that if you shelter at home for too long, it's going to deplete your immune system."

This non-scientist is saying that he doesn't want to risk anyone's health, but he wants you to pack into an arena with thousands of non-tested people to watch him sing. He will listen to all safety advice, but he won't take any of it to heart. He has bought into a conspiracy theory that staying home for a few months to avoid possibly dying is going to kill you anyway because you won't be able to fight off even a common cold.

It's disturbing, and someone freak out and told him to clean up the mess he made. Shinedown 'clarified' things by saying they will only play when it's safe. That is a clear and obvious attempt to put his stupidity back in the bottle, which is sadly going to work. People want to geat their butt-rock favorites, and they will indeed pack the shows when they start up, completely forgiving their hero for being an idiot who pretty much said fans should risk their lives to watch Shinedown. Shinedown is not worth dying.

In Other News: Shinedown are not the only musicians who don't care if you live or die, as long as they get your money. Joe Bonamassa went on a rant about California's new mask policy, mandating their use for the time being anytime someone is outside or in public. What should be a minor inconvenience to make sure the virus spreads as little as possible is instead being greeted by people like Joe as an infringing on their rights. Joe tries to make himself look more tolerant by saying he wears a mask when he goes to a store, so what is he upset about?

There is this nebulous idea of 'freedom' that populates certain segments of America, wherein it is believed that freedom means being able to do anything you want. People like Joe refuse to admit there is a social contract, where we all realize that society could not exist as it is without everyone agreeing to look out for our best interests. Putting on a mask is a small action that can save lives. 90,000 Americans have already died as a result of this virus, and we have Joe acting as if he is the one suffering the most. Life in a society is a trade-off. You can't do anything you want. You have freedom, but limited by a responsibility to help protect others. Just like you can't yell fire in a crowded theater, or own a personal nuclear weapon, for a little while you can't throw droplets of virus-spit into the air. Big f'n deal.

Joe Bonamassa doesn't care that the people transporting his multi-million dollar gear arsenal from show to show are being forced to wear seat belts. He doesn't care that the venues he plays in are forced to be up to building code. Those are abridging their freedoms too, but they benefit Joe, so he doesn't give a damn. It's only now that something very slightly irritates his daily life that he's on the FREEDOM! train, showing himself as an asshole who thinks himself more important than the lives of the people who live around him.

We should remember in the future that Bonamassa is one of those people who said it's worth you having a higher risk of getting sick just so he doesn't have to look stupid when he's walking around in public. That's the man we're dealing with. He's not a guitar hero, he's a schmuck.

Album Review: Caligula's Horse - Rise Radiant

If you have read any of my writing before, there's a good chance you've heard me say that I am a melody-focused listener, and that rhythms don't excite or engage me very often. That's why a lot of modern metal, especially that which falls under the category of djent, doesn't get much attention from me. I'd rather have a riff I can sing than one I can tap out on my leg, I would rather have a melody stuck in my head than try to figure out a changing time signature. But even in those areas I'm not altogether fond of, there are bands doing good things, and I try to give them a shot, to see if they can shake something loose in me. For this style, Caligula's Horse is one of the bands that manages to wrap their rhythms in a more melodic sheen, so there's something there for everyone.

"The Tempest" gets things off to a flying start, with dramatic sounds and a riff that I'm sure has some nifty math in making it fit with the drums. Not that I care about that bit. It's heavy, you can bob your head to it, and the falsetto-style vocals making up the chorus are smooth and melodic. A lot of djent-adjacent music can sound weak when it isn't being aggressive, but Caligula's Horse doesn't. They are as much a melodic band as they are a heavy one, which came through best on "The Tide, The Thief, & River's End", which I still think is their best record. When they streamlined their sound into a more metallic beast, they did lose a bit of what made them special.

There are still moments in these songs where the band finds a spark, but it's a different one. The melody in the chorus of "Slow Violence" is a lovely, lilting one that plays well against the stabbing guitar chords. Two different sounds come together, complimenting each other in ways you might not expect. That's the sort of thing that is progressive, and interesting, in a way that telling me a riff is three bars of 7 followed by a bar of 6 will never be.

There are some hints of the band's older sound in "Salt", a seven minute epic that isn't the blend of djent and folk that once was, but brings in a sensibility from outside a purely metal mindset. It is still a heavy track, but there is something unique about it that stands out from the more compact and traditional numbers. It's a nice bridge between the past and the future, and maybe signals more expansive songwriting ahead. That sounds rather appealing, if this is an indication.

But even the more compact songs on this album, like "Oceanrise", feature strong melodies to go along with the rhythmic riffing onslaught. If anything, this reminds me of what Leprous had been trying to do on a few of their recent albums, but done far more effectively. Caligula's Horse isn't as bleak, and that makes a big difference. There's no shying away from the band if a song comes across uplifting, no need to make it dark for the sake of their 'sound'.

So when you add up the strong short songs with the couple of more expanded numbers, what we get is possibly the best of the fully metallic albums Caligula's Horse has made. They are able to take a sound that is difficult to get into, and make music that works on multiple levels. There's a charm to their music absent from many of their peers, and that makes Caligula's Horse worth hearing.

Album Review: Hawk - Fly

Sometimes a name is all it takes to get us to listen to a record we otherwise wouldn't know about, or wouldn't have at the top of our to-do list. When an album like "Fly" comes along, it gets added to the list of records to consider, knowing I may never get to it. But when the description mentioned that the band features Pete Thomas, the drummer from The Attractions (of Elvis Costello fame), I was more interested in hearing what it had to offer. That might not be the best of reasons to arrive at a destination, but I've taken odder detours to get placed I'm glad to have found.

The album kicks right off with a power-pop feel and overlapping vocals. It has a shimmering, summery vibe, but it might have been a more effective opening to give me one vocal to focus on, rather than starting with a sensation the album is unfocused. Between that, and the production that puts those vocals a bit too far back in the mix, it's hard to grab onto the tune. There are hints of old albums The Attractions featured on, but the song is lacking a strong enough structure, and a memorable enough melody for the four minutes it cycles around the same motifs.

That tendency is heard many times throughout the album. The songs seem to circle endlessly around a single idea, with little dynamics in each song to differentiate the sections. That leaves most of these songs sounding like a single idea stretched out and repeated, usually past the point of my patience. The guitars are fuzzy enough to be indistinct, and the vocals disappear into the mix, so it's hard to even tell what kind of potential these songs could have.

For being an album you could call power-pop, there isn't much power to the music, and the melodies aren't sticky like good pop either. It's all second-rate, bluntly written material that doesn't make much of a case for why we're listening to it. There isn't a single song here I'm ever going to find myself humming. To be honest, I'm not going to remember any of them once this review is published and I don't have to think about the record again. It's sort of like one of those glowing logs you put in a fireplace to give the appearance of burning wood. It might look ok from afar, and you get the idea, but it lacks any of the spark or passion that comes with the flames.

This whole record feels like a set of rough demos that a producer would use as a starting point to craft something better. I don't like saying this, but the record is bland and toothless. Other than having a nice laid-back sensation, there isn't anything going for it. I won't insult it by calling it 'muzak', but you get what I'm saying. "Fly" doesn't soar, that's for sure.

Album Review: Pattern Seeking Animals - Prehensile Tales

The first album from Pattern Seeking Animals is one I didn't see the need for. Made up of members of Spock's Beard, and masterminded by a guy who has written a lot of songs for that band, it felt and sounded like another Spock's Beard album, just without one of the original members. Otherwise, this band did not do enough to differentiate themselves, as they said would be obvious. That leads me to think there might be some issues behind the scenes that necessitated this move, but that would be speculation. Regardless, album number two not only needs to be better than the debut, but needs to create more of an identity for this group. They can't go on being 'that other Spock's Beard'.

"Raining Hard In Heaven" kicks things off with the bass up front in the mix, driving the groove. When the keyboards finally start to swirl, and the way the melody is written, the song carries a heavy 80s vibe. There's some nice elements to it, but the chorus finds Ted Leonard flatly singing the title repeatedly, which is a complete disappointment. That kind of repetition is lazy, and especially from a prog band. Isn't prog supposed to be heady, intellectual, and complex? This song is an attempt at an eight minute pop song, but it's not hooky enough for that to work.

The album then crawls along with "Here In My Autumn" which is another eight minutes of soft keyboards, wandering music, and not much in the way of rock, hooks, or energy. It becomes clear that the difference between Pattern Seeking Animals and Spock's Beard is that this new group rocks far less. And with several of these songs clocking in between eight and seventeen minutes, that lack of energy is right at the forefront. This thing is a slog to get through unless you are a die-hard prog fan who doesn't think a song needs any kind of structure or memorable moment to be good. I've used the term 'dad prog' before, and this is the embodiment of it.

"Elegant Vampires" has some potential, with a neat atmosphere and some unusual sounds in the mix, but it's another song with very little in the way of a melody. The main hook of the song is the keyboard line, and it's not good enough to make up for the awkwardness of the rest of the song. Not by a long shot. The more these songs play out, the more I understand why this band needs to exist. It sounds to my ears like the power in Spock's Beard doesn't think this sort of material is good enough, and doesn't want to take that group down this road. I don't blame them. The last couple of Spock's albums haven't been great, but they've been more lively than this.

That makes the seventeen minute "Lifeboat" nearly intolerable. It takes forever to get going, and even then lopes along at a leisurely clip. I found my attention drifting away often, because there isn't anything in the songwriting to keep me focused. It's all utterly bland, tuneless music that is merely 'nice'. That gets old very fast.

Look, this isn't offensive, but I can't lie and tell you I enjoyed it either. There is nothing memorable about this album whatsoever. It exists, and that's about as much as I can say.

Album Review: Firewind - Firewind

The story of Firewind is one that doesn't have many high points. They started out as a generic power metal band, then they had a short stint where they did something more interesting (and increased their profile at the same time), and then they have gone back to being thoroughly generic. They are on their fourth singer, and the writing team in recent times is the same group responsible for Gus G's solo career, which means it's all sort of one big stew of mediocrity. I'd go so far as to say that if Gus hadn't spent that time as Ozzy's guitarist, even though he never accomplished anything with him, Firewind would be forgotten by now.

But enough people remember Gus's name that Firewind is still kicking, now with Herbie Langhans as their singer, that they are back for another album. If you don't recognize that name, you're not alone. He's a suitably anonymous singer for a band that doesn't have much personality. From Gus's chugging riffs, to the lackluster melodies, Firewind is the personification of generic power metal.

When they were at their best, which was "The Premonition", Firewind was a blend of power metal and hard rock, with big hooks and gritty vocals. Both before and after, they are too clean, too easily forgettable. Gus doesn't write riffs that have memorable qualities to them. He chugs notes that sound fine, but could never be hummed. That makes them go in one ear and out the other. His solos are the only aspect of his playing that has any flare, but if you're judging songs on the solos, you're admitting to the failure already.

Gus's unremarkable song construction means the vocals are responsible for everything that will stick in your head. That puts a lot of pressure on Herbie, and whoever is responsible for writing the melodies (it isn't specified in the press release I got sent), to make these songs stand out. Much like the last album, and Gus' solo outing, which were written with producer Dennis Ward, these melodies are neither grand nor poppy enough to pique my interest. Herbie is trying hard, actually too hard, but the songs just aren't there. And that's without getting to details like how the machine-gun riff after the chorus of "Devour" is a straight rip-off from a song off "The Premonition". It was bad enough when "Mercenary Man" was ripped-off by British Lion earlier in the year, but now Gus is recycling his own ideas.

I'm giving a slightly wrong impression here. There's nothing wrong with this record, other than the lack of creativity in naming your ninth album after your band. If you like the typical power metal sound, this is well-executed for the style. Myself, I'm not excited by what I've already heard so many times before. Other than Gus playing more notes than a lot of other power metal guitarists in his solos, there isn't anything to separate this record from countless others. It will please those who are happy with some comfort food, but not those who are looking for a new experience.

Herbie might be best known (he is to me) for his guest appearance with Avantasia. That's a perfect illustration of what I'm talking about. Tobi writes songs that span many sounds, that have strong musical motifs, and instantly memorable choruses. None of that describes Firewind. There are some moments where they come close to getting there, but it never really arrives. "Firewind" isn't so much a new chapter in the story as it is a reboot. And like all reboots, it starts from a point of intentional copying that never allows it to become its own thing. "Firewind" is meant to sound like Firewind, and it does. Is that enough for you?

(Disgusting) Single Review: Ocean Hills - A Separate Peace

The ranks of singles being released recently hasn't been overwhelming, so I don't have a full roundup for you today, but there is one song I needed to talk about. It stirred up something I feel like I have to address.

Ocean Hills - A Separate Peace

Most of the time, this would pass by without a second thought. It's just another generic rock single from a band that is inoffensively fine, but not anything I would go out of my way to listen to. But as I give it that cursory listen, I too note of a line in the song that pissed me off to no end. I know few listeners of heavier music seem to care about lyrics, but I do, and this is a prime offender. The song was already a petty and bitter song about divorce, but I can deal with that. Raw feelings need an outlet too, but then there's exposing your disgusting side, which is where we go. Written with the conceit of a father talking to his son, the singer says "you'll probably like me new girl, she's about your age."

I almost don't know where to begin with this. First of all, why would anyone be proud enough of those actions to not only put them into a song, but in a way that sounds like bragging? Sleeping with someone young enough to be your own child is not something to celebrate. It's a rather disturbing psychological revelation, one that sadly is not as far out of the mainstream as it should be. There are the 'daddy issues' that come along with it, but I'm looking at it from a slightly different perspective; if you're sexually attracted to people the age of your own children, you're admitting to possibly being attracted to those very same children. At the very least you're saying it's fine if one of your own friends were to start dating your daughter, which I don't think many men would say they're good with.

As I said, this is sadly not an uncommon thought. No less than Donald Trump has mused previously about wanting to date his own daughter if he could, not to mention his admissions to walking in on half-dressed underage girls, so it's no wonder a band like this feels comfortable making such a public admission of their skeezy perversions.

But even if we leave those connotations aside, why would he be so proud of his actions? We have twisted the idea of what 'manhood' is in so many ways, and among them includes the idea that conquering younger women is somehow a display of power and virility. It's not. No one is a better man because their mate is younger than someone else's. No one is a bigger man because their girlfriend can't rent a car yet. For a grown-ass man to prefer the company of women he would have watched playing in the sandbox while his own kids were doing the same is not a normal marker of manhood.

Why do these attitudes become normalized? We could try to blame our hyper-sexualized society, but I feel like that's a cop-out. We can be highly sexual while sticking to people who are better suited for us. I am younger than the band in question (I assume), and already I find it creepy to think about 18 year-olds in a sexual manner. As I have matured, my sensibility has followed suit. So perhaps this guy is unwittedly admitting to an arrested development, getting stuck in a younger state because he can't accept where he is in life now. Or maybe he realizes he's a sad old man, and he thinks he can leech youth through his magical dong.

Whatever line of reasoning he wants to use, it's pathetic, and it's a reason why I'm always conflicted about calling myself a fan of rock/metal, rather than just a music fan in general. When the rock world doesn't bat an eye at this kind of thinking, and in fact the press materials tout the greatness of this group, I don't know what I'm supposed to think. Clearly they have very different values, both the artist and the label, than I do. For the band, the producer, and the label execs to all see nothing wrong with this gives me pause. I felt weird the very first time I heard the line. They lived with it for months and chose that very song to promote the record. They are proud of it. I'm ashamed to have heard it.

I said in a piece a while back that I was growing worried that being a music fan and being a good person were becoming incompatible. A song like this is why. I really don't know how to accept this being the way the world is. You can all go on dreaming about banging your daughters friends. I'm going to try to not be that wretched.

Album Review: Illumishade - ECLYPTIC : Wake of Shadows

Let's start with an existential question; is it insulting to say a side project might be more exciting than the main band? The very nature of being a secondary outlet carries the connotation of being of lesser importance, but that isn't always the case. Sometimes, what is new and different is in a direction we would rather go than where the artists have usually been pointed. That's the case here, with Illumishade's new concept album. Featuring both Fabienne Erni and Jonas Wolf from Eluveite, the lush world of power and symphonic metal they have conjured is something I immediately found more engaging than their main band's more varied and folk-influenced sounds. With just the initial singles, Illumishade was beaming with potential.

First and foremost, this is a concept album through and through. The band pays as much attention to building the world as they do telling the stories of these characters. The album is divided into two halves, the core songs that are the heart of the record, and the tracks that segue from one to the next, establishing the mood and tone for what is to come. Illumishade has not made a record that is merely a regular metal album with a couple of lyrical callbacks, content to call that a concept album. They take things further, and want to make this an immersive experience in an alternate world.

As the singles had indicated, Illumishade is damn good at writing stirring metal tracks that feature heavy modern guitars and stunning vocals from Fabienne. They deliver wonderful songs full of groove, crunch, and rousing melodies. These songs are immediately memorable, and grow better as you listen to them more. They are some of the best metal tracks I've heard all year, and punching so far above their weight. Illumishade, being a new project, isn't expected to be this good, and yet they are. This band is the perfect vehicle for Fabienne and Jonas.

Their heavier songs are a wonderful balance of power and beauty, while the ballads tug on the heartstrings with soundtrack levels of drama. That can be done poorly, as Nightwish did recently with their album that felt bored with being a conventional band writing songs people would enjoy listening to, but Illumishade is the light to that dark. They are living in the same world, but with a focus fully locked in on their songwriting. They want to win us over with great songs rather than just grandeur, and it shows. Illumishade is far more compelling than the self-indulgence we usually hear in this style.

Which brings us to the one criticism I have of the album; the structure. Clocking in at a tight 41 minutes, the transitional pieces included mean I'm left wanting more. I'll leave it to them whether or not that's enough time to convey the breadth of their concept, but the record sometimes flies by too quickly. I wanted to stay in their world a bit longer, I wanted to hear a couple more fully realized songs. Minus the world-building, this feels like it's still a bit of a taste of what Illumishade is capable of. Of course, leaving the audience wanting more is always the better option than leaving them tired and bored.

With "ECLYPTIC: Wake Of Shadows", Illumishade has made quite the first impression. They have already mastered the art of writing beautiful metal songs, as some of these will be among the best we'll hear all year. They have come out of nowhere to stun me with a cinematic experience like no one has since I heard Kanataka's "Secrets Of Angels". That record and this one are very different, but also very much alike. The biggest similarity might be that they wind up featuring on my best of the year list.

Album Review: Axel Rudi Pell - Sign Of The Times

After a while, there's nothing left to say. You can only talk about the same music the same ways for so long, and eventually you're talking in circles. That's what I feel like when a new Axel Rudi Pell album comes around. He has never shaken up his sound or style, and he's always on the same level of quality, so there's very little to differentiate this album from the one before that, or the one before that, and so on. With nothing new to talk about, it's a bit difficult to know how to review more of the same.

If there is something new about this record, it would be singer Johnny Gioeli's performance. At certain points, his voice sounds more gruff than ever, as if he's over-singing slightly. His natural tone has plenty of grit in it, so I'm not sure if it was an intentional choice, or if it's a circumstance of having made several records recently. Then again, it could also be a result of the new producer manning the boards. Whatever the reason, I don't like hearing things getting pushed that hair too far.

The majority of the record is Axel doing what Axel does, playing his mix of Blackmore-esque rock and classic heavy metal. His guitars spend most of the time ringing out, and not playing a lot of riffs, which is a curious bit from a guitar player with his name on the billing. Axel saves his playing for the solos, letting the songs rest on the vocals and melodies. These aren't highly melodic songs in a catchy sense, so that decision might be putting too much pressure where it doesn't belong. The songs are fine, but the hooks throughout them aren't hugely memorable. Having a riff or two thrown into the mix that could serve that purpose would have gone a long way to making them stand out.

Perhaps for that reason, it's the ballad "As Blind As A Fool Can Be" that has the best melodic sense. The piano and organ takes some of the lead, and those notes give a better backdrop for Gioeli's singing than the flat ringing guitar chords, so it's the one song that has an identity of its own. It also sounds like the one song, Axel's solo included, everyone was most passionate about. Even though it doesn't rock as hard, it sounds more intense than the heavier numbers.

But this is an Axel Rudi Pell album, so it's not as though the rest of the songs are sub-par. Axel is a rock solid artist, and his albums are always as enjoyable as they are familiar. If I'm nit-picking, it's because I'm not sure what else I can say that hasn't been said before. Axel makes good records, and this is another one. It's not going to be a year-end favorite, but it's a fine way to spend some time right now, when some new music might be just what we need. You won't go wrong with "Sign Of The Times."

Album Review: Horisont - Sudden Death

I have written enough about the vintage rock revival that I don't want to take up a lot of space rehashing myself, so I'll try to sum it up in one sentence; Graveyard is amazing, Blues Pills and The Black Marbles each had one fantastic record, and everyone else is struggling to figure it out. That includes Horisont, who mine the past without ever striking gold. Despite sounding like an artifact of the past, their records have never stuck with me, and have never seemed as interested in developing their songwriting as developing their skills in mimicking the production choices of 1975.

This time, we actually move even further back in time. "Revolution" opens up the album with a total throwback to the days of The Beatles. From the piano that leads the track, to the harmonized vocals, to the textural guitars in the background, the song is entirely a pastiche of that period. It also happens to be more interesting than yet another band trying to play Zeppelin styled riffs without any of the power, so they are taking from the best. That's an improvement right there.

But the old issues pop back up not long after. "Pushin' The Line" is a typical up-tempo rocker, but the song doesn't really have a chorus hook to it. The verses blend right into what should be the crux of the song, and it sounds like two verses and a guitar solo. There isn't enough attention being paid to making sure the vocals and the songwriting are delivering something memorable. Like a lot of vintage rock, it all feels content on relying on the sound to do all the work, which is such a horrible decision.

Even when they don't deliver on that front, it's at least more tolerable when they step outside the usual rock format. "Into The Night" has a sax in the intro, and more pianos that add depth to the mix. Those details go a long way to elevating the song above its weaknesses in a way that just guitar/bass/drums isn't able to. There needs to be a part to focus on, and that is actually the piano, which opens up new tones and possibilities for the band.

Likewise, the dramatic turn taken by "Standing Here" sounds fresh and exciting. The band is finally realizing that classic rock is far more expansive a term than we often think about. Stretching your boundaries and exploring was a huge part of that, and those are the songs where Horisont are at their best. Adding something to the sound beyond the stereotype is everything to this record. That's the case with the Swedish-sung "Graa Dagar", which has more Beatles swagger and plenty of detailed instrumentation. It's one of the best songs Horisont has ever put together, which may be in part because they're more comfortable fitting melodies to their own language.

So we're left with a record that has a few pieces struggling to fit together. Their more experimental side, especially where the piano is present, is all good stuff. The songs that are more straight-forward rock are harder to get excited about. Horisont has never been a band with a lot of hooks to their music, so when they don't at least have the details to focus on, they can be a bit vanilla. Fortunately, they branch out more often than ever here, which makes this easily their best record. No, it doesn't reach the heights of Graveyard's classic trilogy, but I'm not expecting that. Horisont has finally taken a big step forward, so that should be commended.

Album Review: Witchcraft - Black Metal

Words matter. I don't know why I seem to have to keep saying this, but we have language for a reason. If you're going to piss on it by twisting the words into things they aren't, I'm not sure why I should bother giving you the time of day. Case in point; Witchcraft here is giving us an album titled black metal. First of all, Witchcraft isn't a black metal band, they're doomy vintage rock band. Secondly, even if they were black metal, this particular album is an acoustic affair, so it wouldn't be metal anyway. Giving it this title is probably meant to be some kind of joke, but it's stupid. When I see this album, I immediately am struck by the thought that Witchcraft is lying to us for some reason. That's not a good way to start a relationship.

Neither was the leadoff track, and first single, "Elegantly Expressed Depression". It's a turgid song that is slow out of the gates, depressing in the bad way, and features vocals with an uncomfortable distortion on the recording. There's barely a tune to the song, other than the boring picked guitar part, and for five minutes I'm wondering how ugly Magnus' depression might be if this is the 'elegant' version of it.

Look, this has happened a lot of times. People who don't usually play acoustic instruments have an idea in their head that acoustic music means slow and boring. It doesn't, and all it does is expose the limitations of the people who try and fail to expand their horizons. With these songs, Witchcraft wastes all of our time with a batch of songs that have not a single compelling idea in the lot. Guitar parts might as well not exist, and the vocal melodies are sad warbling that will never stick in your head, even if they bring their own hot glue gun. To put it in the goth terms this album seems intent on, imagine trying to put eyeliner on wet plastic. It's going to run right off and stain everything an ugly shade of semi-black. That's this album.

I hate black metal, but by the time this record ended, I would have preferred the genre shift, because at least black metal wouldn't make me feel like I was dead. There is languid music, and then there is music without a pulse, and this definitely falls on the latter side. It so slow and lifeless I can't wrap my head around how I'm supposed to enjoy it. Every song follows the same pattern, each as boring as the next. This is an album you have to listen to when lost in your thoughts, because at least that way you can't hear it.

Yes, I'm being harsh on this album, but that's because it's right in my wheelhouse. I'm also a musician, and I write and play primarily on an acoustic guitar. I would be embarrassed to have penned any of these songs, let alone felt proud enough to release them. This is an insult to the acoustic guitar as a songwriting tool, because these aren't songs. They're a man whining for five minutes at a time, with a couple of notes in the background to make him feel artistic. There is no craft to this music, nothing I can identify as deft songwriting.

If you want to waste half an hour feeling miserable, listen to this record. If you're a human being, avoid it. Please don't encourage him, or anyone else, to make more records like this.