VK Lynne's Best Songs

Songwriters measure time in the unit of song. Whether the thoughts and feelings we pour into a composition were a fleeting moment in time, or they have lived in our minds for as long as our memories can trace, each song marks a moment or chapter in life that needed to be told. We can look through our oeuvre and see the turns along the path of life, remembering the events that shaped us into the people we are. To go through a true artist's catalog is to read their story, to listen to them bare their soul so we can make the very real and human connections all of us need.

VK Lynne is one of those true artists I speak of, having bled her truth into songs because that is who she is. Over the years, we have been witness to her artistic development, her personal growth, and her generous spirit. Because the song is the fundamental unit of music, and each song is a unique insight, today I am highlighting the highlights of VK's career.

These are my favorite songs VK has given to us.

Butterflies In A Beehive

The first song that captured my attention was this one from The Spider Accomplice's debut EP. Written about being the distraction of color the drab drones of the world need to see in order to have faith in the beauty of the world, the melancholy melody of this song is a lament to a world that needs art, but doesn't properly appreciate it. The butterfly is left to flit in the breeze, going where the muse takes her, never knowing who will follow in her wake.

Find Me

"Do you want to walk on water?" VK asks us at the start of this song. Such miracles sometimes feel necessary to bring our lives back into balance, as not every mistake made or person left behind can be righted. The only way we can go is forward, and we never know if the person we need is waiting for us around the next corner. Coupled with the sound of jangly guitars from a time before, this song is VK at her most melodic and (dare I say) upbeat. It always rouses the spirit, and makes me glad I did find her.

Whiskey Or Water

VK's signature song is an existential question; What kind of person are you? While I do not drink, and have never tasted the titular whiskey, the philosophy of the song still speaks to me. I have asked myself many times who I am, why I am, and if I will always be. Answers are hard to come by, but we only get there by asking. There are times in life we need to be healed and nourished, and others we need to be soothed so we can forget and move on. Both exist in us, at different times, as needed. VK's sultry and weary croon begs to know who will be there to catch her.

Paper Angels

My brain does not hear or think of music in mathematical terms, despite me getting the highest possible score on the AP Calculus test in high school. I struggle with the rhythmic complexity of Stork's music, but this song breaks through. The sea-sick and skittering riffs break from traditional melody, much as the language of angels is likely not anything we would understand anyhow. We hang idols on our walls, not often stopping to realize that they are images, not people. Three dimensions tell the story, not two, and this song gives another dimension to VK's career.

Crawl

The Spider Accomplice's most defining statement, to me, is this epic power ballad dedicated to self-discovery. Pounding drums measure the beat of life, the huge guitars ring out to the Heavens for answers, and VK's massive vocal finds her embracing the woman she has become. Those of us who are successful at life will shed our skins, stepping into the light as new creatures possessing the wisdom of experience. I may not be able to change, but as VK sings, in "dust and dreams and time... every day I... gain a little more." This song was a massive gain, to be sure.

Plastic Roses

Memories are not ghosts, because those are apparitions that (supposedly) only appear on occasion to startle us. Memories are held with us always, like plastic flowers that stand at full bloom and color even as snow piles up and covers the petals. Our roots are made of that plastic, impossible to cut no matter how far we drift from the starting point. That's what the blues is all about, and VK's blues meets hair metal song is a marker of a time that shaped her, and can't be forgotten even as life has moved on. We are who we have always been, underneath the layers of growth.

Bromelaid

Perhaps my favorite moment in VK's entire career is the little 'yelp' of a vocal she delivers at the end of the chorus of this song. It's a small endearment that has always stuck with me, but it is hardly the only great thing about the track. The build delivers a swell of a chorus, where VK's voice opens up as she implores us to "spread your wings", and soak up everything that life can offer us. Bonus points are given for using the word 'photosynthesize' without it sounding out-of-place. A favorite song of mine tells me that some flowers never bloom, which I think of myself, so perhaps I need to keep hearing that we indeed can.

Seam Ripper

The ties that bind us do not have to. VK reminds us of that on this infectious pop bop, which mirrors the relief and satisfaction that comes with excising trouble from our lives. Sometimes, people have served the purpose they will for us, and holding on for the sake of holding on isn't doing either party any favors. Her tongue-in-cheek delivery at the end gives us a chance to reflect on whether such efforts work out for the best or not, but granting ourselves permission to seek out happiness is the key. It's easier to be happy when a song makes you smile and tap your toe like this one does.

Oil Meets Rain

"Life finds beauty in the pain," VK sings on this song. If only that were true, we would all be beautiful creatures. Much like seeing the rainbow refracted by an oily puddle after the rain, the colors of life sometimes only come into clarity when our souls are flooded by the chemicals of pain. No matter how black things may look, every color is just a tilt of your head away, waiting to be revealed as the sun eats away at the pigment and fades it into a figment of the past. This jaunty pop song captures that spirit, and bounces along like a candied halo of curls headbanging to her own beat.

Sunday

Taking risks is terrifying, but sometimes pushing through the fear is the only way to find out what we are capable of. Starting a new life is not for everyone, but dreams cannot come true if they stay confined to the walls of your mind. "Sunday" is one of VK's most panoramic songs, because it is the sound of looking backward at where life was, then turning to look forward to where life could lead. Without the story of this song, VK would not be who she is, where she is, making the music she is. On the seventh day God rested, having created the world, while on the seventh day VK was just beginning to create her new world. "Sunday" is a special day.

Of course, there are more songs I could mention. "Scarlet Rain", "There Is Nothing", "End My Life", and "Calico Concrete" are all just as meaningful as the songs I have mentioned here, but we have to draw the line somewhere. I think you got the point.

Album Review: Ghost - Skeleta

Thinking back, I find it amusing how much time and energy was spent on the debate as to whether or not Ghost was a metal band. The stodgy metal community couldn't seem to figure out if they were allowed to like something that was both cool and successful, because we have come to realize metal is a regressive and conservative society of group-think in many respects.

What we should have been debating is whether or not Ghost is actually a consistently good band. That's been more interesting to consider, as we now find ourselves with Ghost's sixth album, and I'm hard-pressed to say I've figured out what to make of Ghost just yet. On one hand, they write some of the most ridiculously catchy rock/metal out there on the scene. On the other hand, their albums have been patchy collections of songs that veer between greatness and banality.

That came to a head on "Impera", which had some of their absolute best songs as well as some of their absolute worst. It was not a great album, but it was the full Ghost experience. "Skeleta" follows that with a very different experience, which is just as frustrating. Rather than the roller-coaster, this time we get an album that is their most consistent since "Meliora". Of course, that consistency comes by having less true highlights, and even those don't match the magic of "Spillways" or "Cirice" or "Mary On A Cross".

The opening "Peacefield" is the best song here, with the stickiest chorus and most infectious energy. That comes by way of sounding quite a lot like Journey's classic "Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)", the similarity meaning it doesn't put a full point on the scoreboard. Once beyond that, Ghost settles into a groove of making songs that have the right elements, but are missing that last bit to take them over the top.

"Guiding Lights" is a somber ballad that works really well, until the guitar solo leads to a few soft backing vocals rather than a full reprise of the chorus to send us off happy. It feels incomplete, and I'm left wanting the payoff for investing the time in the song. But that's still better than "Missilia Amori", where Tobias' chanting of "love rockets" is not at all interesting. It doesn't veer into cringe the way "Twenties" did, but Ghost trying to be heavier than they are is what leads to many of their weaker efforts.

The back half of the album suffers from a lack of energy, bogging down in songs that are trying to be a bit more epic, but don't have the power to be. The closing "Excelsis" is the worst of these, sounding so small and tame compared to how "Respite On The Spitalfields" ended the last album on a massive note. "Skeleta", in many ways, sounds like "Impera" with the extremes squashed down to a more consistent flatness. It might average out slightly higher, but the ride is much less interesting for it.

Ghost has been around long enough that I can say they're never going to be one of those bands that makes appointment albums. They're all enjoyable to a degree, but they are best served by making playlists of their best songs. As what passes for a 'singles band' in metal, Ghost are amazing. As an albums band, they're mediocre. I'd rather think of them in the positive light, but to each their own.

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Singles Roundup: Halestorm, Miley Cyrus, & Graveyard

This week, we have found a set of good songs, but we have also found a bit of positivity. One of them has been rarer than the other, but I'll let you decide which is which.

Halestorm - Darkness Always Wins

There are only a couple of things that could come out that would be a bigger deal that this, and I have no reason to think they ever will, so this is the potential highlight of the year. This next chapter of Halestorm's story is poised to be the most authentic one yet, telling the story of Lzzy's growth and development into a happier version of herself. That metamorphosis is a journey, and this song very much tells us how much went into getting to the other side. This is Halestorm at their most epic, using the full five minutes to build from Lzzy's crooning voice and lone piano to a Dio-esque roar over the raw guitars as we reach the top of the mountain.

Lzzy sings that sometimes there isn't a song to sing to fight off the demons in our heads, that sometimes the very fact the Earth is spinning means our minds will follow suit. We have to write our own way out of the story, which is what Lzzy is doing here. Bleeding into the music is the only effective use of bleeding as a treatment, and the release in her voice when she belts out the last chorus is the moment of realization that we can fight, we can win, if we put all of ourselves into the effort.

Of course, I say that as someone who does not have that fight in me. Lzzy's message makes me want to, and that is the effect great music has. She screamed her way to a better place through this song, and the echo of that voice can give some of us who don't have one the ability to feel a bit of what that success is like. I couldn't have asked for more.

Miley – End Of The World

I wrote previously about how "Something Beautiful" was a disappointing first look at this era. "End Of The World" is what I was expecting, and rights the ship. It is still a big, disco-inspired song that aims to make the "Flowers" sound more artistically inclined, but this time Miley does it with enough flair and melody to pull it off. The soundscape is more lush, while leaving plenty of room for her vocal to take center stage. The key, as always, is the build pays off with the vocal and instrumental hook, which is far more interesting and memorable than the subdued attempt on the previous single. This one is Miley as the glitzy Cabaret star, and this time I can see how it will all come together.

Graveyard & Goat – Ship Of Fools/Light As A Feather

Graveyard are not going into hibernation between album cycles this time. They have teamed up with a group called Goat for two new songs, each one focused on one of their sounds over the other. The Goat led song, "Light As A Feather", is one of those songs that reminds us of what makes a band truly sound like themselves. The weeping guitar line and crunchy tones are pure Graveyard, but the wispy vocals have a psychedelic bent that shifts us more into flower-power territory than the blues. It shows me how important the grit and power of Joakim's voice is to making Graveyard's music hit as hard as it does. That song is a novelty, but too ethereal and fluffy to make much of an impact.

"Ship Of Fools" is a fuzzy Graveyard led song, and brings something new and interesting to the mix. It sounds like classic Graveyard, even touching on bits of their debut album, but those Goat vocals I didn't like in the first song work as wonderful backing textures here. It gives the song a soul element to go along with the blues, which is a wrinkle we haven't heard from Graveyard very often. I wouldn't mind hearing more of it, as there's something novel about the idea of a sinister 60s soul group that could work in a more authentic Ghost-ish way. I like this one.

Album Review: Harem Scarem - Chasing Euphoria

As we get older, time begins to move faster, and the slots in our mental jukebox fill up with memories we find difficult to shake. That means while there is plenty of good music still being made, having that music leave the kind of lasting impact that keeps us coming back becomes more difficult with each passing year. I had this reality thrown in my face recently when I was building an updated list of my favorite albums, where the last decade contributed far less than I would have assumed, given how favorably I have written about some records during our time here.

The point is to say that when a new record remains in regular rotation for years, it means something more special than nodding your head along in mild agreement. The new albums that leave an impression are deserving of more praise than we might give them credit for, because they have overcome the odds of lived gravity and spiritual inertia. Harem Scarem did this, making a great first impression (to me - I know they had been around for a long time) with "United", and then making perhaps the best melodic rock album of the last decade with "Change The World". High praise indeed.

So how do they follow up that achievement? Let's discuss.

"Chasing Euphoria" builds from the same foundation. These are propulsive melodic rock songs that are built for sunny days and big smiles. Even the cynic in me can't help but tap my toe and nod my head as Harry Hess belts out a gritty hook over some lovely chords and riffs. The record takes everything that was great about "Change The World", and tightens it up into a coiled series of songs waiting to leap from the speakers.

"Slow Burn" is the first sign of trouble, sounding a bit generic compared to the band's sharper material. That would be ok, but it's followed up by a song Harry Hess doesn't sing lead vocals on. I... I don't get it. When you have a great singer, and your band is not known for trading vocals, why would you put an unfamiliar voice front-and-center? The vocal is fine, but it doesn't quite sound like Harem Scarem with Harry's voice only in the background, and it immediately killed my mood. I was excited a new album was coming, and then they make a questionable decision like that on a record that doesn't even approach forty minutes long. It... feels a bit cheap.

The rest of the album is all top-quality, although it comes across a bit too relaxed. Their doesn't sound like the same passion in the performances, so some of the energy that elevated "Change The World" is missing. Rather than towering hooks, these are just strong. Rather than fiery guitar playing, the riffs are just good.

This is a case of managing expectations. Taken on its own, "Chasing Euphoria" is a highly enjoyable melodic rock album. There are plenty of really good songs, and it mostly puts a smile on my face while I'm listening to it. However, I can't say this record is as good as "Change The World", or even "United". Those records had more unforgettable highlights, more songs that stuck with me from the very first time I listened to them. This album, by contrast, sounds more like one of the albums from Harry's side-project First Signal. Those are fine too, but they're missing the spark I was hoping for.

Once again, it seems I hoped for too much. Anticipation is a dangerous thing, eh?

Album Review: Laurenne/Louhimo - Falling Through Stars

Sometimes, you'll hear people say 'two is better than one'. That is not a truism, and music proves it to us on a regular basis. There has been a string of albums in recent years pairing rock and metal vocalists, apparently on the assumption that having two singers somehow makes things better than if there's only one. I don't quite understand why that would be the case, since they can still only sing the songs they are given. If those aren't all that great, no amount of vocal prowess is going to be able to overcome that. At least that's how I think, but I've been reminded many times that pretty much no one thinks about things the way I do.

The first pairing of Netta Laurenne and Noora Louhimo was an example of this conceit done well. That record had plenty of great songs and great vocals, and sits comfortably in the better lot of melodic metal albums that have come through the glut in recent years. There was still one glaring flaw, but we'll address that in a moment. I wanted to set the stage by remembering that these two have already succeeded in this endeavor.

That brings us to the follow-up, which does not reach those same heights at any moment. This record leaves behind many of the melodic metal flourishes for a more modern and rhythm focused approach, which is exactly why Laurenne's band Smackbound also disappointed me the last time I heard them.

As I mentioned, these albums still need great songs, and they aren't provided here. With the two great voices on hand, they need showcase moments where they can belt beautiful melodies. Those don't come as often, with choppier lines taking up much of the space for hooks in the heavier songs, and they don't grab my attention in nearly same way. The songs themselves aren't consistently the greatest, but then we add in another layers that holds the album back from being what it could be.

That would be the very nature of this pairing. These collaborations work best when we get two distinct voices that bring different elements to the performance. That isn't the case here, as Netta and Noora's voices, while great, are quite similar. With their tones delivering the same sound and feeling, it begs the question why we need to have both of them here. The only real reason is for the moments when their voices blend together, but even those fail to make the impact they should, because the production of the album doesn't put their vocals quite high enough in the mix for them to shine as they should. The same way true of the first record, where they often blended so much it felt like one voice, but those songs were engaging enough to overcome the way the vocals were mishandled. This record might have a slightly better mix, but the issue is not resolved entirely.

All of that adds up to an album that depends on perspective. Taken on its own, it's a decent melodic metal album that has enough going for it to be enjoyable. But if you heard the first album, this one becomes a disappointment that they couldn't find the same spark a second time.

That's where I find myself, as the entire time I couldn't stop thinking about their song "Hurricane Love", and wondering why nothing on this record was even coming close to matching that power. Oh, how I wish it did.

Singles Roundup: Ghost, Bruce Springsteen, Katatonia, & Volbeat

Will new songs change my mood, or will I continue my stream of disappointment? Let's find out.

Ghost - Lachryma

Let's face facts; Ghost is cheesy. That's actually a good thing, by the way. The only problem with it is that there are times when Ghost seems to shun that side of their identity, which is what happened on their last record, and the first single for this upcoming one. Ghost is tongue-in-cheek, not scary. When they try to get too dark, or too heavy, it ruins the illusion.

Lucky for us, single number two rights the ship. It isn't quite a "Dance Macabre" style banger, but it takes a riff in the style of "Cirice", a guitar tone off their first record, and pairs that with a sing-along full of cheese. Sure, the buildup can be a bit dragged-out, but the payoff is generally worth it, and the harmonized guitar solo is exactly the kind of detail that elevates Ghost above all the bands who have tried to copy them. Ghost delivered some Ghostly fun on this one.

Bruce Springsteen - Rain In The River

After years of speculation, Bruce is releasing a collection of seven unreleased albums that sat on the shelf for various reasons. The first track to see the light of day might explain some of why these records didn't get releases beforehand. There's nothing wrong with this song, but there's also nothing of note about it. Bruce strains himself to sing as hard as he possibly can, but the melody drones on the same cadance throughout the whole thing, with little variation, and no instrumental hook from the backing band to break things up. It's four minutes of the same boring bit of music, and not at all the sort of song that would show us there is a wealth of greatness to be found across those seven records. If this is how they chose to sell them, I'm afraid of what else the rest contains.

Katatonia - Lilac

In unexpected news, there is a new Katatonia on the schedule at the same time we are finding out the band's longest-lasting musical partnership has ended. Jonas Renske has already written the last couple of albums, so not much should change. This first song is definitely a continuation of what Katatonia has bene doing recently, but with a slight shift. "Sky Void Of Stars" was AOTY for adding in more energy than usual, which this song pulls back on. The angular guitars and somber tones are the same, but the melody doesn't get pushed to shine. If anything, this song is highly reminiscent of the weakest song on "Sky Void Of Stars", which doesn't make it the best selling point.

Volbeat - In The Barn Of The Goat Giving Birth To Satan's Spawn In A Dying World Of Doom

I'm calling it; Volbeat is played out. I've noticed their penchant for re-writing old songs, and the first single for this record was a classic case of illogical songwriting (which I explained in a previous column). The very title of this song screams with 'edgelord' energy, and I want no part of it. Thankfully, it isn't a good song, so I don't have to worry about cognitive dissonance. It starts out as a re-write of "Sad Man's Tongue" (yet again), and then shifts into a bland metal groove that never features a worthwhile hook. After the bit we've already heard, the 'new' material is utterly forgettable. In fact, the title is far more interesting than the song, because at least you have to think to type it correctly. The music doesn't give me anything to think about at all.

Album Review: Arch Enemy - "Blood Dynasty"

The truth is, there are not enough death metal bands that are making ‘fun’ death metal.  That’s a weird sentiment to express about the death metal genre, but it doesn’t make it any less true.  Arch Enemy makes fun death metal.  The band’s new album “Blood Dynasty” proves that, beyond all doubt.

There are critics and fans alike out there who are clinging to some bygone idea that Arch Enemy shouldn’t be making fun death metal - these are the last adherents to an older, less refined version of the band, but the truth of the matter is this - if the album “Root of All Evil,” which contained a series of re-imagined recordings from the band’s first three albums, served as the pivot point in the idiomatic expression of Arch Enemy, than the band has been this incarnation equally as long as they were that other one.  Frankly, this is the better half of their career (see also: similar arguments about Soilwork.)

The reason Arch Enemy remains so vital in this space is that they’ve never lost the sense of the big hook.  The band can be as heavy as they want, but there’s always a big, melodic, twin-guitared touchstone that makes each song distinct and memorable. 

Go no further than the opening cut “Dream Stealer,” which is as chaotic and hammering as one can imagine, but then out of nowhere comes this buzzsaw bridge riff that would sound right at home on “Painkiller,” into a huge melodic chorus, and then back under the waves into the miasma.

It’s not just that, though - Arch Enemy succeeds on “Blood Dynasty” by pulling from a lot of metal corners and folding them into a sound that’s still Arch Enemy.  Honestly, “March of the Miscreants” is not only an automatic singalong from the mosh pulpit, but might be the best Fear Factory song since “Slave Labor.”

Looking elsewhere, there’s a lot on “Blood Dynasty” that borrows heavily from the halcyon days of thrash.  “Don’t Look Down”? Thrash song.  “Paper Tiger”? Thrash song.  “Liars and Thieves”?  Thrash song.  Again, there are probably going to be detractors who claim that such deviations aren’t in the best interest of Arch Enemy, but the answer to that is simply to listen to the songs!  They’re fun in that way that thrash can motor along sounding like a tank rolling on old window cases.  This is what we mean when we talk about ‘fun’ death metal.  It can’t be all single-note musically, where everything is a slog and there’s no space to breathe.  Arch Enemy understands that.

Briefly, let’s draw attention to “Vivre Libre.”  Notable because it’s written in French, assuredly one of the native tongues of Quebecois vocalist Alissa White-Gluz, and that’s cool in and of itself.  There’s been some push recently by a small handful of bands to write the occasional song in their native language rather than the language of business, which is a trend that one hopes continues.  The song is perhaps more notable though, for featuring Alissa singing, rather than screaming or growling.  And she’s pretty good!

What do we really have here, then?  “Blood Dynasty” is a proto-thrash death metal record from veterans who understand what it takes to be successful and to survive for decades in the metal space.  It’s stuffed full of fast riffs, blistering solos and all the associated piss and vinegar one expects from music of this type.  And it’s fun.  That’s important, damn it.

Quick Reviews: Elton/Brandi, & Smith/Kotzen

A pair of pairs. Sounds fitting, eh?

Elton John & Brandi Carlile - Who Believes In Angels?

I not only commend Elton John for being an artist who has continued to make albums even as the casual audience no longer pays attention to them, but for making some of his best albums during that period. I absolutely adore "Peachtree Road" and "The Captain & The Kid", even if the majority of people don't know they even exist. So what I'm going to say is not reflexive of older artists attempting to stay relevant in their late-career years: This collaborative album with Brandi Carlile is hugely disappointing.

That stems from two things; 1) Half of the songs are too swampy/bluesy to fit in their shared wheelhouse, and 2) The modern production ruins what could have been. The title track and "Never Too Late" are the best of what this could be, sounding like a true blend of classic Elton and Brandi. The problem is there are also songs like "Little Richard's Bible" that are mired in the earliest days of rock, cranked to the point of sounding unintelligible.

The album can never find its footing, because the production is distracting at every point. The more rocking songs are swamped (pun intended) in crushing compression and guitar tones that are so fuzzed and brittle the vocals almost disappear into the mix. There are too many times when the band drowns out the vocals, and even when they don't, Elton and Brandi don't quite feel like they figured out how their voices best blend. The bits of magic are too few and far.

They said this album was an experiment and a challenge to quickly produce... and it sounds like it. They really should have taken more time putting this together, because this is not a proper representation of what they are capable of.

Smith/Kotzen - Black Light/White Noise

I loved the debut album from Richie Kotzen and Adrian Smith's unexpected collaboration. It was a bluesy bit of rock packed full of great harmonies and guitar solos. I didn't expect it, but that's part of what made it so great. When they followed that up with an EP of songs that was disappointing by comparison, I started to wonder if keeping the partnership going would prove it to be a fluke. We now have the answer.

In every way, this record is inferior to the first one. The songwriting and melodies aren't as sharp and don't land with the same force, the guitars don't sound as clear and heavy, and the entire production sounds a bit muddy and dull. When moments like the chorus of "Life Unchained" come around, rather than hearing the blended harmonies sparkle atop the crunchy guitars, it's all a jumble of sound that's hard to hear. I feel like I've been saying this about at least half the albums I've heard this year. What the hell's going on with production?

There isn't a single song on here that caught my attention the way nearly everything on the debut did. This record comes across being too laid-back, where it never actually feels like it rocks, which saps the energy from the already slow and bluesy nature. It turns the record into a bit of a slog to get through, and trying to find the gems in the haze of the sound isn't an enjoyable proposition.

If you look up the album on iTunes, it will say "a second album of anthemic rock and metal from two icons of heavy music." Well... the 'second album' part is at least true.

"Some Flowers Bloom Dead", & So Do Some People

Spring is the season of hope and renewal, the time when we look to the rising sun as a beacon of better days just beyond the horizon. Those days have always been there, merely shifted further south during the cold of the winter. The position of the sun has no bearing on the mechanisms that unlock our lot in life, but we like to tinker with the gears of an astrolabe, because there is something calming in the belief that the right sequence of pins and cogs can grant us that which we have long dreamed of.

The equinox is the moment of equilibrium, where the light and dark are balanced out upon the world (as a whole). It is a moment when we can take stock and try to feel ourselves steady on our feet as the tilt shifts from one side to the other. We can in theory, but not all of us can do so in practice. For some of us, Spring is a reminder that some land is fallow, some dreams will never germinate, and some faith has been salted like Carthage.

I was seventeen the first time I heard The Wallflowers' song "Some Flowers Bloom Dead". That means I was not yet old enough to be considering the philosophical and psychological damage done by remaining hidden from the light. While I loved the song for other reasons, it was much later on that it became woven into my mind as a statement of everything that has afflicted me.

Though the song is one about a relationship, excising the verses turns it into a meditation on self-loathing, a mantra that tears down rather than builds up.

"In another world I could learn to forget/But 'til then I'm here making room for new regrets"

Regret is as much a part of life as oxygen and water, and perhaps science will one day break atoms down so far we find regret is the true basis of all matter in the universe. Often, it feels as if it is the main component in my construction. Regret is the autobahn in my mind, the path where thoughts are able to speed from brain to heart to soul and back again faster than any other. Every decision ever made comes with the potential for regret, and unless you are fortunate enough to know you have made the right ones time and again, regret is fed with a constant supply of fuel.

Around this time every year, I start to think about what the warmth of the summer could bring, what hope I could find that emerging from hibernation will not lead me straight into the mouth of another cave. I have told myself these stories for years, enough of them that I know the words by heart, so much so they have lost all meaning and dissembled into gibberish.

"Now some flowers they never bloom/And some flowers they just bloom dead"

We look upon the beauty of nature without giving much thought to the law of averages. While we see the vibrant colors and the rainbow of life, there is a percentage of seeds that never sprout, a proportion of those plants that never grow properly or blossom as they should. It is through no fault but ignorant fate, but being forgotten only serves to further constrict the pain of never spread petals.

Each year that passes, I know the chances of being awakened from this wretched slumber move closer to zero. Much as there is a time to stop breathing life into a body that has expired, there is also a time to stop feeding the delusion that there is any color to be found if the shadows are to be illuminated.

Then, in the last verse, we are told:

"Now when I think of me/I think I somebody else instead/As if it wasn't hard enough"

Regret comes in many forms, but in one of the more extreme we regret the very fact of being ourselves. It is a refrain I have sung many times, and one that has only grown louder as the pieces have started to fit together. People will often give the advice to 'love yourself', which they mean with the best of intentions. What they don't realize, however, is that sometimes the things we hate about ourselves are immutable, they are baked into the very fibers of the plaster we are cast from. We can no more pull upon them and stay together as you can remove the base of a house of cards.

When you are faced with that kind of regret, the thought of blooming is not merely a longing that will never be realized, it's a fear of what is revealed if it does. Perhaps the reason some flowers don't bloom is because they are sparing the eyes of the world a sight they do not want to see. Perhaps that is what I have been doing all along.

Either way, you cannot pry the petals of a flower open and expect it to thrive, nor can you cut through the sinew to expose your heart to the open air.

There's too much regret in the way.

Singles Roundup: Miley Cyrus, Ghost, & Volbeat

It's been a while, so let's see what bite-sized stories we have to tell.

Miley Cyrus - Something Beautiful

I'm already concerned by the phrase 'visual album' being thrown around, because the idea that the music needs a visual component does not bode well. That is borne true with this first song, which takes the basic sonic template of "Flowers", and slows it to an absolute crawl. Miley's voice has plenty of room for her tone to shine, but the melodic component of the song is rather lacking. The music has hints of jazz, but mostly serves as background sound that does little to stand out. That puts the emphasis on Miley, which is fine, except for the fact that she doesn't have anything interesting to sing.

She croons her way through the song, showing that perhaps she could be a chanteuse if the fancy struck her, but better material will be needed. Her last album featured a couple of tracks that could fit into the category of 'torch song', which were exceptional. I wished she would have made the entire album in that mold, because it would have been a contender to be one of the best of the year. Perhaps I was wrong, because expanding beyond those couple of songs appears to show they were a fluke of time and happenstance.

I will not be holding out hope that this record is going to be the one that makes Miley into a great artist. This song tells me we are probably looking at another case of someone who thinks that making 'mature' music means stripping away everything engaging.

Ghost - Satanized

The last Ghost album was controversial for the singles being the worst Ghost songs to date. While the good songs were still good, I couldn't call it a good album due to just how bad "Twenties" was. So to say I'm wary of Ghost's inconsistency is an understatement. The first taste of their upcoming album is not giving me much more reason to have faith. While it is better than that song, it doesn't have the best elements of Ghost. Both the music and the melodies are rather jagged, with the start-stop bits feeling awkward in how they are randomly integrated. The one bit of melody at the end of the chorus is nice, but by that point it isn't enough. The section that is supposed to be our big refrain starts out not standing out at all, so the chorus is over by the time we realize it has even hit.

What I'm sure of is that the record will have a handful of trademark Ghost songs that give me all the melody and pop hooks I could ask for. Why those songs are being shunted aside for their weaker efforts as singles is something I don't quite understand. The huge swell that "Dance Macabre" or "Square Hammer" gave the band feel like a lifetime ago, and the band is now treading water because they don't need to grow anymore. That's sad.

Volbeat - By A Monster's Hand

I already got in trouble in another forum for discussing my thoughts on this song, but here goes; the new Volbeat single is good, but defies a basic tenet of good songwriting. There's a solid groove and a decent hook through the first half of the song. Everything is going fine, and then the song suddenly shifts feel and tempo for the solo, only to shift right back for a final chorus. Why? The impression it gives is that they had random ideas sitting around, and stuck these together because they were all that was left. What should have been done is to either slow the thrashy riff down so the tempo didn't shift, or bump up the tempo of the final chorus so the entirety of the song sped to the finish. In either case, the logic of the songwriting would work. As it stands, we're left with a track that sounds stitched together, that veers from one thing to another without giving us reason or context.

But apparently I'm pedantic and too cerebral, so pardon fucking me for not swallowing whatever music gets thrown at us.

Album Review: The Darkness - Dreams On Toast

Here's a sentence I never thought I would write:

The Darkness' new album features a song about trying not to shart on your significant other during sex.

I could stop talking right now, and you would have a full picture of just how awful The Darkness have become. I'm in a bad mood, though, so let's carry on. Last year, I thought quite a bit about the (personal) legacy of "I Believe In a Thing Called Love", where one of the things I noted was that The Darkness is one of those bands that makes me question why I ever liked them at all. "Permission To Land" is a fluke of an album, the one moment in their history where their stupidity did not land the punch with enough force to piss me off.

Ever since, they have gone through breakups and rehab stints, only to come back with more terrible 'humor' that mocks the very idea that they were a mocking band. The tongue-in-cheek love for classic rock they showcased on their debut became terrible slapstick, as limp and flaccid as the genital reaction to the stereotypical British teeth. That's a cheap shot, but we're talking about The Darkness here. I can't exactly go low enough to express the inanity of listening to them continue to be idiots for the third straight decade.

Back to the point; writing a song about farting (dear lord, I hope it was only farting) on your lover is not funny. Or, it's certainly not funny the way Justin Hawkins writes and sings it. Rather, it's a moment in time that makes me glad physical media is not easy to get a hold of, because I would be tempted to snap the CD in half and use it to draw blood and remind myself I'm not dead and in Hell yet. As if that isn't enough, it's also a lousy pastiche of a country song with a lifeless melody, so it's not even an annoying earworm. It makes you cringe, and then disappears... much like the aforementioned fart.

That is by far the worst song I've heard this year, but it is not alone. The Darkness long ago lost their ability to have fun, despite turning everything into a joke. The music is no longer rocking, no longer catchy, and requires the equivalent of toothpicks holding your eyes open to get through. They fail as comedians, and they fail as a rock band. In that way, they're exactly like Spinal Tap. As an aside, I'll use this as an excuse to give a hearty "fuck no" to the upcoming Spinal Tap sequel. It is not only too late, and wholly unnecessary, but no joke they could write will ever be as funny as treating Spinal Tap as a real band over the last forty years. Maximum absurdity was already reached.

Unfortunately, The Darkness treat it as a blueprint, not a cautionary tale.

The album gives us an opening track called "Rock And Roll Party Cowboy", which just so happens to not be rock and roll, nor a party. It is a song as weak, pointless, and forgettable as I have ever heard. In fact, the only thing I remembered about it between its release as a single and writing these words right now is that I hated it. That is apropos, as the very next song is called "I Hate Myself", which is what I said to myself as I listened to more of this album. The Darkness has long thought of themselves in terms of being Queen, but they lack everything Queen ever had; songwriting chops, a vocalist who doesn't elicit snickering when he opens his mouth, charm, etc.

I will sum it up thusly; The Darkness is not a good thing anymore, but the darkness is, because in the latter you can't find the button you have to click to listen to this album.

And just for the record, given how much I hated this experience, let me say this; I hope the story in that song is indeed true. The Darkness literally shitting the bed is too apropos to consider it a metaphor. We deserve this win, right?