Songs That Piss Me Off (On Albums I Like)

Here's the thing about anger that people don't often talk about; it takes energy. To truly hate something is to invest yourself in that hatred, actively choosing to spend your energy on that act. It's a lot to commit to, and as such I don't think of myself as an angry person. Part of that is a continuation of my old belief that I simply didn't have emotions, but it's also a manifestation of the fact that many things we hate are easy enough to avoid.

When it comes to music, avoiding the songs that piss us off is easy now. We don't live in the age of vinyl of cassette, so hitting the skip button or simply not loading the questionable song onto our devices makes a lot of this discussion irrelevant. That being said, those songs still exist, and they still mar albums we enjoy listening to, so perhaps it's worth giving a few words to explaining why they are little pock marks that otherwise serve as a blight on the beauty of a wonderful album.

Here are a few of those songs that fit the bill for me.

Tonic - Irish

In recent times, I have come to realize "Head On Straight" is my favorite Tonic album, and the one I reach for more than the other three combined. I love the songs, and the sound of the record, but I can honestly say I have not listened to "Irish" in nearly twenty years, and I have no intention of ever listening to it again. It is easily the worst Tonic song, even including the couple they made for soundtracks in their early years. Those have charm, "Irish" does not.

The problem with this song is threefold. Number one, it isn't a catchy song. Number two, it sticks out like a sore thumb. Number three, it is entirely about a heritage I do not share. That last one is a 'me' issue, I realize, but Irish history is not a subject that is going to hold much appeal for me. Heck, I barely give a damn about my own heritage. The other two points are the bigger issues. On an album that is souped-up and as heavy as Tonic would be, the shift to an acoustic folk song is jarring, and completely out of place. It doesn't sound like it belongs on the record, as there is nary a hint of it anywhere else. "Celtic Aggression" had similar undertones, but still sounded like it belonged among the "Lemon Parade" songs.

Worst of all is simply the fact it isn't memorable. The song is repetitive, droning, and without any of Tonic's usual sticky melodies. It drags on for five minutes doing the same thing again and again, as if the sands of the hourglass are desiccants drying up my will to live. That's a bit dramatic, but oh how the album would be better if it switched places with "Let Me Go", so I didn't have to remember to hit the skip button. This is the only time I can say I truly dislike a Tonic song, but oh how I dislike it.

Meat Loaf - California Isn't Big Enough

It took me a long time to come around on "Hang Cool Teddy Bear". The album is weird, unfocused, and a hodgepodge of songs cobbled together that do not in any way tell the 'story' the album supposedly has. I doubt any of the writers had a clue they were submitting songs for a possibly conceptual album. So what makes this song so objectionable? It comes in the form of one line from the chorus:

"I can barely fit my dick in my pants."

That's right, a sixty year old man was singing a song about the size of his unit, and the tightness of his pants. Aside from the easy solution in buying pants that fit properly, it was a line so ridiculous I found myself embarrassed to be listening to the song. In fact, I think it was the main reason the album took so long to grow on me. It falls into the same category as songs telling me about how hard people rock; if it's true, you don't have to say it. Furthermore, who in the heck wanted to think about Meat Loaf's junk, whether literal or in-character?

The song came to us from the mind behind The Darkness, which explains so much. A lot of people think Meat Loaf has always been an embarrassment, but this was the only time I actually agreed. But of course, when the time came to seek out a copy of the album, I made sure to get the version that included the song. I hate that I did, but I think I would hate if I didn't, so this song elicits nothing but hate, on many levels.

Weezer - Butterfly

Why do I hate this simply little acoustic number that ends "Pinkerton"? That's a... delicate thing to talk about. When I was cataloging the various ways that the album is a toxic bit of misogyny, it dawned on me for the first time that "Butterfly" might be the worst song of them all, because of how it hides what I hear as a dirty secret. "Butterfly" can be read as a rape allegory. Yes, really.

Despite sounding like a song about lost love, the lyrics give a very different impression when you think about what certain words mean. The imagery is of pinning butterflies to a board, to display their bright colors after they have died and been caught. That's nice, but think about what it means to pin down an object of affection. That's bad enough, but then Rivers says "I did what my body told me to/I didn't mean to do you harm". Um... excuse me?

Those two bits of information give me the impression of forcible assault, or at the very least a lack of concern for consent. Whether we're taking the generous interpretation or not, the song creeps me out. Rivers' fetishizing and woman-blaming throughout the record are indeed bad, but I can generally look at them as a function of a time in which we were more tolerant of that kind of functional disrespect (and yes, writing a song listing names of women you slept with is disrespectful). "Butterfly" can't be written off so easily. That bit of toxicity is so egregious it should have been seen as being too far even then, much like how so many of the sex comedies of the 80s and 90s were actually making light of various forms of abuse and assault.

I don't think any song has ever made me feel worse about myself than "Butterfly" did, both because it took me so long to see all of the toxicity in "Pinkerton" that could have been slowly poisoning my attitude over the years, but also because I still find myself listening to it every so often. Even knowing how dangerous "Pinkerton" is, and being aware not to take anything away from it, I can't help but feel it's part of me and my history.

Fuck you, Weezer.