Album Review: Dead Cross - Dead Cross

There are certain musicians who, by virtue of their skill with an instrument, get a reputation as being among the very best at what they do. But what gets lost is that often the circumstances have much to do with that person being able to showcase themselves in the first place. Being in the right place at the right time is vitally important, because even many 'legends' can't survive on their own, without the right partners to work with. Case in point; Dave Lombardo. He is a legendary drummer, but when he isn't working on music written by more talented songwriters, either in Slayer or Testament, he is anonymous. Nothing he has done outside of those long-established bands has ever come close to earning him real acclaim.

Teaming up with Mike Patton might have been something that could, but Dead Cross is not going to be that vehicle. Or let me rephrase that, since there is always the chance it might. Dead Cross should not be that vehicle. It is a band that is so wildly misguided, so unbelievably detached from music as a common form, that it is utterly baffling.

First of all, I will admit to being unfamiliar with Mike Patton's history. I know his reputation, but I couldn't pick him out of a lineup if he was wearing a name tag. This album is the first thing I know of him, and I sincerely hope it will be the last. His atonal shrieking and foul-mouthed lyrics are a parody of what hardcore or punk music is supposed to be. He sounds like a man in the midst of a mid-life crisis, trying his damnedest to sound vital, youthful, and not like a man slowly graying into irrelevance.

But he is just the most obvious of the problems Dead Cross has. The biggest problem is that between Patton, Lombardo, and the rest of the band, there is still a dearth of songwriting talent. I know the band's identity is supposed to be 'brutal' and 'manic', but there still needs to be some structure underneath the chaos. You can't rebel against the rules if there are none, so to speak.

And that's what makes "Dead Cross" so painful to listen to. There isn't a single riff that doesn't blur by in a mess of noise, there isn't a drum pattern that you can air-drum to, there isn't a vocal line anyone would ever find themselves accidentally shouting along to. This is a band that takes Slayer's chaos and forgets that Slayer was still writing real songs. These are sketches of noise that never develop, that go nowhere, and that offer nothing appealing for the ear.

If I was writing the history books, Dead Cross is a band that would end any discussion of Patton or Lombardo being remembered as among the best at what they do. It is such a collosal waste of talent, such a pathetic attempt to turn back the clock, that it truly does undo much of the good work they must have done in their careers.

I seem to have been saying this a lot lately, but "Dead Cross" is a heavy contender for the worst album of the year. While others may have been more disappointing in relation to expectations, "Dead Cross" is on its own accord truly awful. The only redeeming feature I could find is that it is mercifully short. If it were any longer, I would have grown genuinely angry that I had wasted that much of my time listening to this slap-dash effort.

Dead Cross is dead to me, period.

Album Review: Quiet Riot - Road Rage

If there is one thing about the history of metal that is more depressing than anything else, it's that Quiet Riot was the first metal band to top the charts. It's not that they were terrible (I never listened to them back theen, so I can't say), it's insulting to the genre for them to have that honor because it's the only piece of their legacy.... other than people dying. Seriously, can anyone think of a single thing to say about Quiet Riot other than their chart success and their losses? I certainly can't. They have been resting on the laurels of being in the right place at the right time for decades, and now they are finally getting around to doing what bands are supposed to do and release a new album.

But they can't even do that without controversy. "Road Rage", as you hear it, is not how it was recorded. The band had a different singer who recorded the entire album, only to then get fired once the press releases were already being sent out to the world. So the album got postponed while the band recruited a former Americal Idol contestant to come in and re-record all the vocals. That process did not bode well for the album.

And boy was that omen telling.

Let me save you some time, if you're having a busy day when you read this. "Road Rage" is an abomination, and quite possibly the worst album of the year.

If you're still reading, let's dive a bit deeper into the album. Listening to "Road Rage", you wouldn't know that the last thirty years ever happened, in more than one respect. The songwriting on the album is thoroughly lackluster, with riffs that serve as good background noise, and vocal melodies that are right out of the days before metal bands bothered to write real hooks. Quiet Riot is still existing in a world where playing a loud electric guitar was enough to amaze people. It's not, and despite being veterans, I can't even say this is an album of well put together, but less exciting, songs. These songs lack any creative spark at all, and can't make up for the routine sameness of the material with hooks or little details that stand out and rescue the songs. It's a tuneless album that's as sophisticated and adept as the wretched cover art. Guys in their 50s singing about rolling joints isn't metal, it's sad.

Sad is the word that most comes up when I think about this record. Next on the docket is new singer James Durbin. I won't hold his past against him, but his performance here is horrible. When the first single was released, it wasn't until the second chorus came along that I realized he wasn't a female guest singer. His high-pitched shriek is annoying, shrill, and gets old very fast. When he tries to sound tough, it's even worse, as his voice doesn't have an ounce of aggression to it. He is completely miscast on this album, and if anything he drags the sub-par compositions down even further.

But worst of all is the production of the album. Despite being a 'legendary' band, and having decades of experience in the industry, "Road Rage" sounds like a local band's demo. The sound is thin, muffled, and lacking any of the punch or clarity that a metal record of today needs. You can't even call it a throwback to the old days, because most of the big records from the 80s sounded better than this. I don't know who let this album be released like this, but there are serious hearing issues among the people responsible for making this record.

So we have an album that is poorly written, poorly sung, and poorly recorded. It's a trinity of mistakes that amounts to a single thing; "Road Rage" is one of the most inexcusably awful records of the year. Other bands from their time make good records. Other bands on their label make good records. They have no excuse for this record being so bad. If they were anyone but Quiet Riot, I don't think this would even be released.

Whatever you do, avoid hearing a note of this one. It will only ruin your mood.

EP Review: The Winery Dogs - Dog Years

*"Dog Years" is a DVD/CD set. The DVD is a well-shot, well-played concert that shows The Winery Dogs are a great live band. However, while the show is good, and certainly worth it for any fan of the band, this review will focus on what I found more interesting; five new songs.

The Winery Dogs are busy guys. At any moment, there's no telling where in the world, and with whom any of the three will be playing. So it comes as no surprise that the band is taking a bit of a break right now to explore their other projects. In the meantime, however, they're not leaving us hanging. A new package is being released that includes a DVD recorded on their tour supporting "Hot Streak", as well as an EP of tracks that didn't make it onto the record. If the dogs are going to be sleeping for a little while, this is a nice treat to keep us from getting restless.

First up on the EP is "Criminal", which depending on exactly when and where you bought their debut album, you might have already heard. It fits in seamlessly with that record (it's the song in the track listing I usually assume is there, not "Time Machine"), and it remains as good as it sounded back then. It's the band doing what they do best, delivering groovy and sophisticated hard rock with plenty of great melody.

"The Game" fits in with "Hot Streak", pulling back a bit on the hard rock for some other influences. Billy Sheehan's bass funks through the verses, while Richie's guitar swirls around in the background. Over the course of just two records, the band has evolved into more of a pure power trio, with fewer layers of guitars, and more space in the compositions for everyone to do their own thing. There were times on "Hot Streak" where I thought they took that a hair too far, but this song has enough anchor points to keep it tethered to the comfort zone.

"Solid Ground" is an acoustic ballad that will draw comparisons to "To Be With You" and "More Than Words". The band's harmonies are on full display, with all three voices blending together and standing out beautifully. It's the kind of song that might benefit from the slightest push of the energy, but the harmonies are so engaging that you don't mind.

The closing two tracks, "Love Is Alive" and "Moonage Daydream" are more standard-fare Winery Dogs music. The latter, in particular, is interesting for the sharp blues solo Richie pulls out. It's a sound I'm not sure I've heard from the Dogs before, and it might hint at future developments. The song itself is one that isn't as immediate as some of their other material, but when you take a step back, it certainly comes into focus as something wholly worthwhile.

So what to make of this EP? I think these songs find a nice middle ground between the two albums, which might be why they didn't quite fit with the tone of "Hot Streak". I liked that album, but I didn't like it as much as the debut. If these songs had been switched out for some of the ones I wasn't keen on, that might not have been the case. This is a great little package of music from The Winery Dogs, and is absolutely worth hearing for anyone who enjoyed either album.

Album Review: The Dukes - Smoke Against The Beat

There's something about being too artistic that can actually work against a band. The Dukes are a band that calls themselves art-rock, but that means something different here than being pretentious. The Dukes mean it in the sense that they are also visual artists, filling their shows with various eye-catching displays that enhance the music. While that is wonderful, it can also lead to an issue if the band doesn't realize the difference between a show and a record. Their visual acuity can't help the songs on a record, and it's easy for a fragmented focus to result in songs that feel as though they are missing a vital component.

The opening number, "Just In Case", is not a song that would raise those concerns. It's a smoothly melodic song that has a laid-back atmosphere and an engaging approach. It reminds me of an album I reviewed earlier by The Electric Coast, which was quite enjoyable. Unfortunately, that's not the approach the band decided to take for the rest of the album. Rather than building on that feeling, the title track follows and veers in a completely unrelated direction. With more focus on rhythm and a try at being funky, it lacks the melodic appeal, and instead comes across weakly.

It's made all the more questionable as the next few tracks return to the original sound, which makes me wonder where that song came from, why it's on the album, and why it was made the centerpiece of the experience.

After that, the album is a frustrating give-and-take, where they bounce between those two approaches in a way that I can't imagine anyone will enjoy. The modern approach and the more melodic one do not have large cross-over in their appeal, and putting both of them on the album they way they have here makes it difficult for people to enjoy the album as a whole. I like "Just In Case" and "Gold Digger" quite a bit, but when they have to sit beside the title track and "Black Hole Love", it feels like two different bands fighting for the spotlight.

That's actually a good comparison. This album feels like a split, but with the tracks randomized. I don't know what possesses a band to take two wildly different approaches on the same album, but I can say pretty safely that it doesn't work. There are a few tracks here that are good, but the insistence on switching things up, maybe for the sake of 'art', doesn't work. It sabotages the album, and leaves me frustrated. If they picked one path or the other, I may or may not like the band more (depending on which they pick), but I would have a real opinion. As it stands, "Smoke Against The Beat" pushes me away, because even after listening to it, I don't have a clue who The Dukes are.

Album Review: Exit Eden - Rhapsodies In Black

Let's forget the last two years ever existed. If we do that, I can readily claim that pop music is often overlooked for the quality of songwriting that goes into making those earworms. We often think of them as fluffy and disposable, largely because of the artist's images and the synthetic sound of the 'instruments' used to make it, but underneath the facade is some incredibly strong melodic writing (or there used to be - the last two years have been pure garbage). When a pop song is taken by a rock band and amped up with heavier guitars, it's amazing the transformation, and just how good a lot of them sound. I know there's a terrific example of Taylor Swift's "Blank Space" out there, and last year a metal version of Adele's entire "25" was put out, which certainly made me take notice.

The ladies of Exit Eden are doing the same thing, reinventing some classic pop hits as darker, more symphonic rock and metal tracks. Some people might say this project is lesser because they aren't writing new songs, but the whole point is that they're proving a larger point about music itself. One that we should remember, and hopefully one that will bleed back into the pop music itself (Remember when pop songs had guitars? Oh, those were the days....)

The Depeche Mode song "Question Of Time" opens the album, and is a dramatic, ornate slab of melodic metal that tells you what you're going to get from Exit Eden. The four ladies take turns belting out the song, with Amanda Somerville in particular scaling new heights of melodrama with her voice. The song has never sounded this big, and the arrangement really works as a symphonic metal song.

Other highlights include the first single, a cover of Rihanna's "Unfaithful". The lone scratching violin that is allowed to pop up in the intro and the verse is the kind of creepy bit of darkness that a Gothic or Victorian ethos needs to have, and it shows the attention to detail that was put into making these songs something unique. When the chorus arrives, and the four ladies are teaming up, we get a revelation of pop music. They take the melody to places Rihanna never could, showing just how excellent the writing truly is. It's a song that would fit seamlessly in Nightwish's glory days, which is not at all what most metal fans would consider of a pop song.

The cover of Bryan Adams' "Heaven" falls into this category as well. It was always a song with a bit of drama in it, and this arrangement turns the dial up to eleven. Likewise, Katy Perry's "Firework" scales new mountains in this setting. And you can't talk about drama without mentioning Jim Steinman, who is covered in the massive rendition of "Total Eclipse Of The Heart". All I can say is "Oh....My.... God...." Someone seriously needs to get Amanda or Jorn Lande to do an entire album of metal covers of Jim Steinman songs. It would make my heart melt. (I would volunteer my time to serve as the Steinman "expert" curating the track listing. Seriously.)

The only song that doesn't hit the mark, to me, is the closing "Fade To Grey". It wasn't written with the same melodic sense as the other songs, and wasn't a good fit for the tone of the album. The pick of Madonna's "Frozen" is the other non-standout, but more because of what could have been than actual weakness on its part. I have to imagine "Like A Prayer" would have fit in even better here.

Really, there's no downside to Exit Eden. By starting with the framework of a hit pop song, and building out the symphonic metal from there, the most important part of the song is already taken care of. So much of metal in this mold uses the beauty of the vocal to hide the fact the composers aren't capable of writing a sticky melody that will remain in your head. Exit Eden skips over this problem entirely, and uses the talents of the musicians to enhance songs that were already great. It's using the skills of the musicians to their best effect, while letting the hardest part of songwriting be handled by the pros.

You could criticize "Rhapsodies In Black" for being a cover album. You wouldn't be wrong, but it's more than that. This isn't a band just putting a thin veneer on a bunch of songs so they didn't have to sit down and write some of their own. Exit Eden is a project that is making a point about pop music, metal, and how they can interact. As a songwriter, it's fascinating to hear how a song can be utterly transformed by the musicians whose hands it is in, while still remaining the same song we've already known and loved.

Yes, there isn't anything technically 'new' about Exit Eden, but their existence is a novel experiment, and one that I'm thrilled by. Hearing pop music emerge from its cocoon, metamorphosed into this dramatic metal album, is something amazing. I grew up listening to pop music, and later got into metal. This album fuses those two identities nearly perfectly. It's remarkable. I love so much about this album. Go listen to some of it. Trust me.

Album Review: The Wizards - Full Moon In Scorpio

Black Sabbath set the rules for heavy metal, but forty years later, you wouldn't know that if you didn't read it in a book somewhere. The vestiges of Sabbath's doom and gloom sound have disappeared from the mainstream, having been replaced with a feeling that metal is supposed to be about either being mad as hell or showing off inhuman instrumental abilities. There isn't much room left for heavy songs about heavy subjects, the kind of music that took the blues and turned it into crushing elegies. There are still a few bands that try to do that sort of thing, but they are small bands relegated to the underground. That's where we find The Wizards, who are offering up one of those Sabbath-style slabs of old-time metal.

The easiest comparison to make is to the Dio-era of Sabbath's history. The music here is a bit brighter and up-tempo, like those Dio albums, and Ian Mason's vocals have the power the legend himself put into every song. If you liked "Heaven & Hell" and "Mob Rules", this is an album that could easily appeal to you.

Let's take "Avidya", the opening track. It opens with a riff that has an Iommi-esque sense of melody, but it also moves along with a hint of a Maiden-esque gallop. That makes it interesting, and then the body of the song has big vocals and one of those traditional metal choruses that is rousing without being sing-song. It's a strong track, and a great table-setter. "Calliope" follows a similar blueprint, but it's here that the vocals show their influence more obviously. As Ian belts out another really good song, it's easy to hear both Danzig and Meat Loaf in his delivery. There's the power of the Loaf in his vibrato, and the slight dark blues warble of Danzig's heyday (I won't insult him by saying he sounds like current Danzig).

Then there's "Stardust", which has a similar feeling to "Lonely Is The Word", with that pulsing guitar through the verses. But what makes it stand out is when the chorus arrives, and for the first time the band introduces some heavy backing vocals. It makes that section stand out, and as the riff morphs in the background, the song is able to seamlessly shift from throbbing energy to a slow, sludgy riff and back again.

If we're talking about the album like an old vinyl, Side One is stronger than Side Two, but the drop-off isn't much. "Halftones To Eternity" just lacks a bit of the flare of the earlier tracks, and doesn't have quite as much of an identity all its own. But that lull is short, as the album finishes off with two more excellent tracks. "Who Are You, Mr Gurdjieff?" is possibly the heaviest song on the record, which then breaks into some softer melodies and again well placed backing vocals. It strikes a wonderful balance, and sets the stage for the massive closer, "When We Were Gods". That song builds from a soft guitar intro into a mash of ringing chords, searing solos, and skyscraper vocals. Ian is belting with all his gusto, and the song is fitting as the capstone on the record.

So what do we make of "Full Moon In Scorpio"? It's an album that isn't perfect, but has a lot going for it. Anyone who's a fan of old heavy metal of the Dio and Danzig persuasion should find plenty about this album they will enjoy. In terms of traditional heavy metal, this is one of the better efforts I've heard this year. It's certainly better than what Danzig himself put out, and it's better than the music the members of Dio or Sabbath who are still active have done in the last five years. All in all, it's a good time.

Album Review: Ded - Mis-An-thrope

Anger is the fuel of youth, or so people are led to believe. Young bands come roaring out of the blocks full of rage, exploding through the speakers, before eventually settling down as they get older. It's that slow down that annoys a lot of fans, people who for whatever reason are trying to cling to their youths, never wanting to forget what it was like to be filled with righteous fury. Myself, I was never that way, and as time has moved on, I have understood even less the appeal of listening to bands that scream their heads off the whole time. That would be why I haven't spent much of any time in my life listening to music self-described as "hard core". Ded claims their music is different, that it leads to the same feeling as a good horror movie, which sounds interesting enough to me to give them a shot.

"Architect" opens the album with a grind-style nu-metal riff and an expletive in the very first line. Edgy, huh? The song tries to get a stomping groove going, which it sort of does, and then there's a clean sung chorus that actually does a lot to anchor the song's aggression in something easier to swallow. It's a style that Korn pioneered, and Slipknot eventually took on, but it's still highly effective. It's not a bad track at all.

Of course, there is an issue I have with the delivery. The band says the lyrics are deep, and deal with issues up to and including existentialism. That's an intriguing claim, but it's also counteracted by the screamed delivery in many of the verses. Those lyrics are rendered indecipherable by the harsh tone, which seems to defeat the purpose of writing songs that are supposed to be about something. The message might as well not exist if the listener can't understand what the message is supposed to be.

As the record unfolds, we get a heavier dose of that Korn sound. "Anti-Everything" uses more clean vocals, and with the spoken-type verses, it feels exactly like we're in 1998 again. In fact, I went out of my norm last year by actually listening to Korn's most recent album. "Mis-An-thrope" reminds me so much of that album it's scary, right down to the band's insistence on not following it's own internal grammar with the title's capitilizations.

This approach does two things, one good and one bad. The good news is that Ded is following a sound that works. There's plenty of precedent that what they are doing will find an audience, and many of the hooks here are darn solid, and well worth listening to. The bad news is that the verses to almost every one of these songs are unnecessary, and are just filling time before the choruses arrive. Let's take "Remember The Enemy" for example. The chorus to the song is fantastic, but the verses skiffle along without a riff or a melody, just rambling words and a few blips of sound. All the time between choruses is wasted, and offers nothing to build the track.

Worst of all, though, is the disappointment in the lyrics. From what was promised, I expected far, far more than "fuck me and fuck you too" as the main hook in "FMFY". That is so childish and desperate that I wanted to hit the skip button the instant I heard it. If you are going to claim any sort of depth to your music, you have to deliver it. Saying "fuck you because of your politics" is not deeper than saying "fuck you because you're ugly". They are both stupid, pathetic, and quite frankly insulting to my intelligence.

So what do I make of "Mis-An-thrope"? I'm actually a bit torn, given the tone of what I just wrote. This isn't a style I particularly enjoy, but I do hear enough in the choruses of these songs to think Ded has some real potential. It's just that they haven't figured out how to build entire songs around those good ideas. If they can figure that out, they might have a chance. As for now, I'll go listen to Korn's album again. Their experience made for a far better record than this.

Album Review: Mr Big - Defying Gravity

"But they're big in Japan..."

That's one of the lines that gets trotted out when a band doesn't seem to be gaining the traction it should. It started with Cheap Trick, but it's equally applicable to Mr Big. Despite the band only having modest success in America, they have established themselves as a force overseas. That has allowed this current run to carry forward, as the band has been as active and productive as at any point since their first run of glory. Their last two albums have been strong showings, and they've even cranked out a few tracks, like "Undertow", that in a more just rock climate would have gotten airplay over here.

Mr Big has always been a harder-edged band than they get credit for, but this time around they take a slightly different route with the music. The last couple of albums have been solid mixes of powerful hard rock and heavy blues-type tracks. This time around, however, the band takes a far more laid-back approach. The initial tracks on this album come out of the gate with a restrained energy, and not hitting you right in the face. That's not at all what I was expecting. "Open Your Eyes" and the title track both have the blues in their DNA, and move with the deliberate pace that might convey. The title track, in particular, does manage to stretch out into a solid chorus, but even then it doesn't sound quite as propulsive as what I consider the band's best songs.

Like their biggest hit, we get an acoustic ballad here as well, but "Damn I'm In Love Again" is no "To Be With You". It doesn't hit the three minute mark, and in its short time doesn't have anything I could identify as the hook. That's disappointing, since Eric Martin has more than enough voice to make those sorts of songs work. His recent experiences with Avantasia, both on record and tour, have put his name back out there as a singer of note. With that, it's hard to listen to him singing melodies that don't give him anything interesting to do.

There's another issue here. The album was recorded live in the studio, which is fine, but the production is severely lacking. The guitars sound weak and blurry. "Mean To Me" is supposed to be a speedy, technical run up and down the fretboard, but the solo is the only place where Paul Gilbert's guitar doesn't sound like the amp has been muffled. That quick riff needs to be played with a clean and sharp tone to bite, and that's not at all what we get here. Heaviness actually comes through clarity.

The thing of note, for me, is that this is the bluesiest I've ever heard Mr Big. I'm sure that is going to please plenty of people, but it disappointed me. I am not a fan of the blues, or heavily blues-based rock and roll. I find it lacking in the melodic department, and that's what "Defying Gravity" is for me. It's just not the music I was expecting, nor the music I wanted. Mr Big are all fantastic musicians, and I have plenty of respect for all of them and the music they've made, but this one just isn't for me. And now that I've said that, I'd all but guarantee this will be their most successful album in ages. I'm often wrong like that.

EP Review: Vista - Long Live

Ok, stop me if you've heard this one before; Vista is a female-fronted alternative rock band....  I know, I know, there have been a lot of similar bands I have covered here, but for good reason. In the last few years, by whatever happenstance, we have seen a surge in the number of not just bands like this, but good bands like this. As modern rock continues to trudge into the doldrums of Five Finger Death Punch knockoffs, the alternative scene's focus on better aspects has made it a respite for people like me. After many bands fronted by great women lately, we now get to take a look at Vista's new EP, to see if they continue the parade.

We start off with "Allegiance", which is an unexpected little number. After the first verse, we get bursts of orchestration to punctuate the song, which goes a long way to making it feel more epic within the limits of three minutes. It showcases the band's best qualities, while being brisk enough to avoid any slack in the writing. Hope delivers a solid vocal and a solid chorus, making the song a winner.

"Inside Anxious" is a very modern song, and one that will probably divide listeners. The core of the song is again very good, with nice energy and a strong hook, but then there are a few places where the band dives into electronics and stutters and distorts the vocal for effect. Those moments, at least for me, are incredibly distracting, take away from the good songwriting they were establishing, and plain don't sound very good. But then again, I'm probably a touch too old to be the target audience for that approach.

I'm quite fond of "Hellbent". It's a bouncy number that fits very well as a kiss-off song. This is one of the cases where the expletives are well utilized, and push the impact of the words, rather than just being thrown in to sound tough or mean. It's nice to see a young band understand the difference, and fall on the right side of the ledger.

If Vista is looking for a single that could garner them attention and build their name, they can't do any better than "Dominance 2.0". Not only is it the heaviest song in terms of the guitars that run through the verses, but the hook is the most immediately catchy on the EP. There's a hint of AFI that I hear in it, which reinforces the melody as a real winner. It's a really great song. "Part III" is only a minute long, but by stripping things back it showcases how good Hope's voice is. We then finish with "Henchmen", which is another jaunty song that has enough pep to make the hook pop.

There have been a lot of bands releasing music in this style recently, and Vista can be added to the list who are doing it well. When I first became aquainted with them through Twitter, I heard promise but wasn't truly enamored with their "Versus" EP. With "Long Live", Vista has taken the step forward I was hoping for, and they've made a very nice EP that sets them up for even bigger things in the future. Well done.

EP Review: Bloody Hammers - The Horrific Case Of The Bloody Hammers

Pulp. We know the word, although most of us probably first think of "Pulp Fiction". Pulp is terrible in orange juice, but a hoot in art. Old pulp comics, and old pulp movies, are cheesy fun that recall the old days when we were more entertained by an actor in a stupid and obviously fake mask than we are today by tens of millions of dollars worth of computer effects. Sometimes, being serious actually makes the point easier to miss. So when Bloody Hammers new EP is presented with a cover that makes it the pulpiest pulp this side of a paper factory, you can bet I'm going to give it a listen.

Sadly, the promise of some good pulp/grindhouse fun is not carried through into the music. We are promised "ice-cold nostalgia of 70's b-list thrillers", but the music lacks any of the campy charm that came from the era. It's slow, dark, and never gives the impression that they know tongue-in-cheek isn't a medical condition. Take a song like "Blood". There's one heavy riff that repeats through the verses, and then the 'chorus' doesn't offer up anything approaching a melody. It's almost a spoken word piece, rather than a proper song.

Sure, the synths at the start of "The Beyond" are fun, and do sound from the period the EP is shooting for, but the song itself is barely there. It crawls along, and again gargles out a few words instead of a melody. I'm not sure I understand what the point of this music is. The riffs aren't doing anything memorable, and the vocals are flat and disinterested. Neither aspect is giving us anything to grasp.

I hate to say it, but the best part of the entire EP is the cover art. That lives up to the promise of classic horror, while the music withers on the vine. I could make the obvious pun here that the title is accurate, but I don't want to call this horrific. What it is more closely resembles a terrible misunderstanding. This is the soundtrack of an idea the band had no idea how to pull off.