A new year means we're supposed to be optimistic about what the future holds for us. These songs have no optimism in them, so let's get this out of the way before we turn over the calendar:
Demons & Wizards - Demonic
Everything gets a reboot these days, and that includes bands. After one album that was a power metal dream come true scenario, their second album was odd and questionable, and they have spent the decade-plus since off our radar. Now Jon Schaffer and Hansi Kursh are back, and this first song from the new record is a weird choice for a teaser. It's long, Hansi's voice is quiet and restrained through much of the track, and there's not much of a hook to it at all. This is the sort of song that is more of a stage-setter than a ripping metal track, which might work in the context of the album, but it doesn't generate excitement to hear more. After such a gap, they needed to put their best foot forward and remind us why this 'band' is important, but instead they have reminded us how long they've been away, which only feeds into our own aging. This song sounds like metal made by some old-timers, and if it's an indication of what the record will hold for us, it very well could be one of the big disappointments of the year.
Serious Black - When The Stars Are Right
Over their first three albums, Serious Black have done a lousy job of choosing singles, often going for general power metal tracks, when there were far better and more interesting numbers deeper on the records. This time around, they once again go in a very standard direction with their first tease of their upcoming record, but for once it might be fitting, since the record is promising to be more traditionally power metal than the "Mirrorword" era was. (Disclaimer - I've heard the album already) It's better than many of their singles, but it also is less interesting by virtue of being exactly what we would expect it to be. Serious Black is indicating that they want to give us no surprises, no intrigue. Maybe that sounds good for the devoted power metal fan, but it sounds trite to me.
Ozzy - Straight To Hell
I didn't like "Under The Graveyard", and I don't like this song either. It goes beyond me distaste for Ozzy's voice, though. And since I have no intention of ever listening to more than one song at a time, let me use this opportunity to talk about why Ozzy should be ashamed of himself for this song. It all boils down to one line, wherein he tells us he and his music are going to "make you defecate". Seriously? A dottering old man who we have all seen at his worst on reality TV is still writing songs about how evil and scary he is? I'm not buying it one bit. But that's not even the worst part of it. Defecate? How could anyone think that line sounded good? Or cool? Or even evil? It sounds pathetic, clinical, and like maybe Ozzy mixed up his pad of notes for lyrics with the instructions he got from his doctor. Sorry, Ozzy, but your days of being the Prince Of Darkness are long gone. Retire before you release this sure-to-be awful record.
Five Finger Death Punch - Inside Out
Rock's favorite punching bags are back once again. FFDP is shorthand for everything that's wrong with modern rock, and they haven't grown up or improved one bit since the last time they ruined our day by making us listen to them. This time, Ivan Moody is still gargling out his immaturity over lousy riffs. Ranting about how he doesn't "wanna hear your motherfuckin' side", and how "you don't know the difference between violence and pain", the whole song reads like Ivan is trying to convince the person he's singing to that they made him a different person, so he's not to blame for anything he may have done. Of course, the two verses completely contradict each other, so it's not even clear that Ivan has any idea what he's trying to say. He barks these words out in an unappealing manner, which might actually be good, since we don't necessarily understand much of what he's saying. You would think after this long, he would have either matured past his anger issues, or at least figured out how to write about it in a way that goes beyond fifth grade thinking. But he hasn't, and because of that, FFDP is still perhaps the single worst band that's actually popular. Good god, they suck.
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