Album Review: Lordi - Killection

If we lived in a different time, I could safely say that Lordi are a singles band. From the time "Hard Rock Hallelujah" became a huge thing straight through today, they have put out a string of solid singles that make for some fun, albeit gimmicky, hard rock. The problem is that we don't live in that time when bands like Lordi could get airplay, so their singles have lived on albums that feature plenty of filler, which dilutes the power of those songs, and doesn't let the band play to their strength. They would be bigger, and more love (especially by me), if we were able to have them provide single after single that gets repeated exposure, rather than what we have now. Because if I'm being honest, there hasn't been a single Lordi album that, in full, has impressed me. Plenty of songs, but no albums.

Maybe I'm a bit of a prophet, because I wrote those words before reading the material that accompanied the record, wherein the concept is revealed as this record being a 'greatest hits' compilation of Lordi's hit singles if their fictional monster identities had been making music for the radio over the last forty years. Singles, eh? How did I ever arrive at the idea that's what Lordi is best at....

This would have been good information to have known when the album's first track was released, because now it makes sense that "Shake The Baby Silent" sounds like a Rob Zombie track because that's exactly what it's supposed to be copying. What at first sounded like a weird case of theft decades too late turns out to be a just a stupid gimmick. The song is still terrible, but at least I know why it exists. Lordi hasn't completely lost their minds, like I thought they might have.

Of course, there's a big problem with an album operating under this conceit; asking fans to enjoy both Zombie-esque 90s pseudo-industrial rock and synth-heavy 80s pomp-cheese rock is a bridge too far. I don't see a lot of the audience being willing to go along with all of the styles Lordi tries on throughout the album. There isn't enough overlap between them, and just being Lordi isn't enough to wash that away, especially since there is another bit of uncomfortable information here; Lordi isn't good at most of these styles.

Lordi does have a side to them I enjoy, but they are not a diverse band by any means. There is one mode they succeed in, and this album shows that when the branch out and try other things, they aren't very good at it. The campy fun and big hooks of their best stuff aren't present anywhere on this record, partly because they're so focused on recreating the sounds of the past, but also because they are adopting styles that don't mesh with their best qualities.

The other thing I don't quite get is why they didn't order the songs in supposed chronological order. It's jarring to go from a couple of 80s rockers straight into a dirty late 60s number, only to veer right back after. I like compilations to be chronological, so we can see how the artists evolved and changed with the times. This batch feels more random than anything. And that's without addressing their Kiss-disco track.

So is this album entirely a failure? Well, as an album, yes. "I Dug A Hole In The Yard For You" is a good song, but it sounds like every other Lordi single, so that's why. Everything else here is about the worst Lordi music I've ever heard. Lordi are not good at proto-metal, yacht rock, hair metal, or any of the other stuff they try here. It's bad music, and most of it doesn't even sound like Lordi, so I don't know who is supposed to enjoy this. I sure didn't. This is the first album short-listed for worst of the year honors.