What is faith? As a recovering philosopher, that's the sort of question I could probably spend this entire essay addressing, while concluding at the end the whole thing was a pointless endeavor, since we can never actually answer such things. Faith is what it's very definition says; faith. We believe in something for the mere sake that we believe in it, regardless of whether we have good reason to, because belief in and of itself is something makes us feel better.
For most people, that faith is in a religion. For others, it can come through other things, such as music. Some of us put out faith in music, and rely on that to get us through the harder times, to calm our minds when they race so fast we don't feel in control of ourselves anymore. Music is a silly thing to put that much importance on, isn't it?
Well, let's be honest here; isn't anything we put out faith in a bit silly? The only tangible thing we can do so with are people, and even that is a fool's errand, given how few of them are worthy of the distinction. Faith is something entirely personal, and yet we often spend large portions of our lives trying to convince other people how right we are to believe what we believe, how we believe. Maybe we're just trying to convince ourselves of something we don't believe, in the bottom of our hearts.
All of that is preface for "Heal My Head", an album from Valleyheart that is a rumination on life and faith, that tries to rationalize our belief, when the world around us is too absurd to make any sort of sense. There are records that make an immediate impression that will never change, and others that sneak up on you, almost numbing your senses until you realize how deep its teeth have sunk in. That's the sort of record Valleyheart has made.
In "Miracle", the lyrics sing how, "for every ounce of suffering and mystery.... a flower that blooms in the freezing cold." That is the miracle, how life blossoms and endures no matter how trying and difficult it is. The interesting bit about faith is whether it is more optimistic to consider our fate a bit of chance that slithered through the cracks, or a design seemingly engineered by barely competent hands. At least for this song, the answer is a defiant, "goddamn miracle, held by the hands of no master plan." Defying the odds, indeed.
My favorite moment comes as the second chorus to "Back & Forth" explodes, and the lyrics ask, "will I spent my whole life in the indecision, my mind stuck on the other side?" It's a powerful question, because as the story about Socrates reminds us, we truly know nothing about the universe or our place in it. Knowing nothing is powerful, but also painful, which is why we create a truth we can comfort ourselves with. But if you get caught between 'the truth' and the truth, your head can spin to the point where the ground no longer feels solid.
What is so great about "Heal My Head" is that it embraces those moments. This record is the slow burning sound of coming to terms with everything, only to have doubts the instant you feel confident in your choice. The softer songs like "Vampire Smile" drone with a somber resignation, only to have brief moments where we can't help but scream into the darkness. "Warning Signs" tries to paint over this with a power-pop smile, but the lyrics eventually get back to saying "this won't be the end of my truth, at the edge of my mind on a noose."
Sometimes a strain of thought, or a thread of doubt is just that; a noose we can use to choke out the feelings we want to ignore. Valleyheart confronts those, and like the best emo can and should, uses the palate of sadness to paint something we can't look away from.
The difference between the depths of the blues and the grandeur of the ocean is only shade.
That's why this is one of my favorite records of the year.
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