My Take: Five-Star Albums

I don't use a rating system. That is obvious to anyone who has read a single review I have written. In the past, I have noted the reasons for that decision, but there is one I don't think I included in that discussion.

If I did use ratings, you would never see me give out a perfect score.

That's a strong statement, so let's back it up a little bit. I am well aware I have a reputation for being a hard grader, and for not liking nearly as much of the music I hear as a lot of people seem to. I don't have any issue with that, but many have, and somehow I have gotten myself in trouble for not heaping praise on anything that is merely enjoyable.

Regardless, the fact of the matter is that I don't believe in the concept of the 'perfect album', and as such, any score that would be perfect would have to be exceedingly rare. I am a critic, and I am a nit-picker, so there is almost always something in the course of an album I would disagree with, or would have changed if given the chance. So, that sort of thinking makes it incredibly hard for me to justify handing out a score that carries with it the connotation of being flawless.

There is also something to consider about time, and how a perfect score classifies an album as a classic, which isn't something we can really know in the moment we are judging it. Plenty of records have stunned me when I first heard them, but faded as the years have gone on. As much as any review is only a snapshot of my thinking at a particular moment in time, at least words can be massaged and re-contextualized. A hard-and-fast number is harder to put into context in hindsight.

I have been a critic now for over a decade, and in that time I have probably reviewed a number of albums approaching 1,000. Thankfully, I am not obsessive enough to keep count. Of that huge number, how many of them would I have handed out five-star ratings to? Let's find out.

We'll start with the winners of my Album Of The Year prize.

In 2010, that was Tonic's self-titled record. While I love that record, and still listen to it regularly, it is not a five-star album to me. It isn't as good as "Lemon Parade", nor do I have the same connection to it that I have with "Head On Straight". If those records are both clearly better to me, I can't say this one is worth a perfect score.

In 2011, Dream Theater took the crown with "A Dramatic Turn Of Events". There's no chance it gets a perfect score, since it's at least two songs too long. The album didn't need the segue "Far From Heaven", the closing ballad "Beneath The Surface" always gets skipped, and I can do without "Lost Not Forgotten". There's an hour of transcendent music that might be close to perfect, but the bloated presentation is far from it.

In 2012, we have two to consider. Halestorm released "The Strange Case Of...", and Graveyard countered with "Lights Out". The former is not a perfect album, partially for some lyrical proclivities that haven't aged all that well, but mostly because a couple of the bonus tracks on certain versions of the record are better than many of the songs that made it. If the best song isn't included, it can't be perfect. "Lights Out" is the strongest case for perfection. Even as a nit-picker, I struggle to find anything to complain about. We now have one potential perfect score.

In 2013, Dilana released "Beautiful Monster". This is the one open-and-closed case. Yes, given how the record echoes in my heart, it is undoubtedly a five-star record, and a personal classic of mine.

In 2014, Transatlantic gave us Kaleidoscope. This is a record I was in awe of, and may have given the perfect score to in the moment. However, the years have not been as kind to it, as I have grown rather tired of the stitched-together nature of the prog, and find myself far less patient in waiting for the best parts to come along. It's still great, but it's far too flawed to even consider as perfect anymore.

In 2015, Jorn Lande took part in the absurd "Dracula: Swing Of Death" album. I would be tempted to give it a perfect score simply for being able to pull off such a ridiculous feat, but that wouldn't be fair. It was one of my favorite albums of the entire decade, but it's surely not perfect. A narrative concept album with a guitar instrumental makes no sense at all, and I so want that slot to be filled by another proper song. Maybe then it would be perfect, but it isn't as it sits right now.

In 2016, Zakk Wylde shocked me with "Book Of Shadows II". It's a remarkable record that still comes at me from an angle nothing else does, but it really doesn't need to be more than an hour long. Taking the ten best songs, it would absolutely be a five-star affair. Points get docked for overstaying your welcome, and there is too much of a good thing. This record is an example.

In 2017, 2019, and 2021, Soen took top honors. "Lykaia" is not perfect, as there is one track that would have been better served being replaced by a bonus track. "Lotus" is not perfect either, as the album has one too many moody ballad, when one of the bonus tracks could have given the record even more power. "Imperial" comes closest to perfection, and honestly, finding fault with it is a difficult task. So perhaps we have one here.

In 2018, Halestorm once again won with "Vicious". That record made it onto my latest list of all-time favorites, but I can't give it a perfect score. "Painkiller" is such an obvious weak track to me that I just can't say the record is flawless. Perhaps is one of the bonus tracks replaced it, but that's not the album we got.

Finally, in 2020 Yours Truly released "Self Care". The only real nit I can pick is that the ending of the album is a bit disappointing, never returning to the massive chorus of "Heartsleeve" one more time before fading out. Is that enough to dock a quarter star? Actually, I think it is, so cross that off the list as well.

So here we have twelve albums that were the best of the years they were released. We have one lock as a five-star record, and two more I could potentially give such honors to. Clearly, it would be foolish to think any albums that finished lower on the yearly lists would get a full rating, so that's the extent of more than a decade of writing and reviewing. Three albums in my career as a critic that could get five-stars.

Is it any wonder why I don't put numbers at the end of each review?

But it's even more than that. Looking at my most recent list of all-time favorites, many of those wouldn't get a perfect rating from me either. Let's take a look at a few of those.

Elvis Costello's "King Of America" is one of the most important albums in my life. It's also not even clsoe to a five-star record, as I have never much liked the couple of up-tempo country songs scattered through it. I could turn it into a perfect record with some editing, but that's not the point.

Meat Loaf's "Bat Out Of Hell" is one of the first albums I ever bought, or loved. It's not perfect at all. The baseball section of "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" is only fun the first few times you hear it. After decades, it gets in the way of a good time. Hmm... kind of ironic, given the song's narrative.

I can do without the instrumentals on Killswitch Engage's "The End Of Heartache", and the less said about how "Misery" mars Green Day's "Warning", the better. Even my beloved Tonic doesn't escape, as "Irish" annoys me so much, there's no chance I can say the album is perfect. Likewise, Meat Loaf's "Bat Out Of Hell II" runs on far too long, far too often. Brevity was never Jim Steinman's thing, but a bit more of it would have been welcome.

On that list, the only albums I could give the perfect ratings to are Black Sabbath's "Heaven & Hell", The Wallflower's "Breach", and Jimmy Eat World's "Futures". So even if I'm being generous, that's only three more perfect scores coming from my favorite records of all time.

There might be a couple more I can't find fault with, but didn't make the list, such as The Jayhawks' "Hollywood Town Hall", or Bruce Dickinson's "The Chemical Wedding", so let's throw those into the mix too.

All told, that's still less than ten records from my lifetime of listening to music I would give the full, perfect rating to.

And I don't think that's a bad thing. I am reserved in my praise, and I save my highest accolades for the music that is most special to me. If I tell you an album is a classic to me, that means something. When I see people handing out multiple perfect scores every month, it makes me question how much they love the music they're listening to. I might be too stingy, but I prefer that to being too generous.

I want my words to mean something, and I think I have shown they do.