I've spent half my life thinking of myself as a writer, and using the power of words to express things that I normally wouldn't say to people, coloring with metaphors the way others do with brush and paint. Writing became not just a part of me, but the way I identified myself when asked by others about myself. I lost count somewhere along the way of how many lyrics I've written, and I'm not going to hazard a guess.
As a music listener, I like to think words are important to the songs I gravitate toward. There are certainly bands, albums, and songs I write off because they offer me nothing, but finding the ones that actively engage me is a more difficult chore. I have influences, of course, but sometimes it's more of a feeling than anything concrete I can point to. However, there are a few songs where specific language sparked my mind, made me want to write to come up with my own turns of phrase that thrilled like a literary roller coaster.
Perhaps no song has more of a legacy in my mind than "I've Been Delivered" by The Wallflowers. It isn't my favorite song in the world, and it's strophic structure would normally be a turn-off, but from the very first time the teenage version of me heard it, this song has had a hold of my thinking. Let's dive in and see if I can explain why that is.
"I could break free from the wood of a coffin, if I need
But nothing's hard as getting free from places I've already been"
The very first lines of the song give us a vivid image of being buried alive, and how perhaps the experience would be so shocking we would prefer it to the monotony of our lives as we know them. At least in a hole you have dirt to grip and pull yourself out with. In life, sometimes there is nothing we can change, no matter how much effort we put in.
"I would move swift when the sounds of a trumpet would blow
I've been the puppet, I've been the strings, I know the vacant face it brings"
This can be read as a rumination on fate, and how some of us believe we are merely dancing on the end of divine strings, orchestrated for the amusement of something bigger than ourselves. It isn't an optimistic thought, if you ask me, and the obligation of the performance is why both actor and audience would be too bored to smile or cry at the action on the stage.
"You'll just wake up like a disposable lover, decomposed
I've been gone, I've been remembered, I've been alive, I've been a ghost"
Like there are states of matter, there are also states of existence. Whether we are forgotten, welcome memories, or hauntings in the minds of those we touched, it doesn't really matter. Our fate is the same regardless of how we echo through time, and if we are remembered is something we can never know. Being a ghost is scarier for the ghost than the haunted, because seeing how easily you can be forgotten is a pain I'm not sure how to heal.
"I have drawn blood from the neckline when vampires were in fashion
You know I'd even learn to cut my throat if I thought I could fit in"
Desperation takes many forms, and giving ourselves eternity to make up for our shortcomings can sometimes be the only way we ever can. Have you ever thought of offering yourself up as a sacrifice to someone you so desperately thought you needed? You might feed them for a moment, but that's all it would ever be. We cannot be everything for all time, even if we have all time to be so.
"Because I can't fix something this complex
Any more than I can build a rose"
This is the line that has haunted me like the vampires and ghosts in the song. There is something so elegant about the metaphor that is nearly flawless. When we talk of fate, we speak of a designer who must be a God to have built the world as we see it. Reality is too intricate and delicate to be the result of random chance, or is that a thought we hold merely because our clumsy fingers are unable to fold the fabric of life into the ornate shapes necessary? I spent many years ruminating on that very thought, and trying to find my own angle to convey the same thing. Ultimately, I did find my own lyric, but like the resignation spoken of, I can't help but feel I have let my inspiration down.
"Now I'd rather bleed out a long stream from being lonely and feel blessed
Than drown, lying face down, in a puddle of respect"
And we wrap up the song with our acknowledgement that while we spend our lives (and perhaps afterlives as well) chasing after people in a desire to be loved, loneliness is our natural state. Affection feels good, but it's a sugar high we will burn through in a mere heartbeat. It is puddle deep, but will kill us if we try to gaze too long at our own reflection. Our blood is a renewable resource, and if nurtured, is the only thing that will keep us alive and sustained for as long as it takes to reach enlightenment.
We may never get there, and I doubt I ever will, but it's a goal to point our path toward.
Am I making too much out of this song? Perhaps so. But that is the beauty of a great lyric; it allows us to find a foothold for our leaps of logic, it gives us the tools needed to work through issues too complex to grapple with if we don't have the distraction of a catchy tune to cover up the impending sense of doom.
The song could have easily been written to say, 'Life is hard, I'm alone, and I don't know what to do about it.' I say those things about myself almost every day, but it isn't interesting to be so blunt. We learn nothing without being able to go to the next layer, understanding why we feel the way we do, and how our minds have brought us to those places.
In philosophy, there are tiers of thought. First-order thoughts are the ones we are most in contact with. Those would be the simple things, such as saying 'I feel lonely'. Then there are second-order thoughts, which are the thoughts we have about our thoughts. This is where we move to thinking about why we are lonely, what it would take to feel connected with other people, and if that connection is even something we truly want.
The interesting thoughts exist in our own minds, not necessarily in the words themselves, and it takes a great lyric to probe into our subconscious and massage them out. Art is as much about the audience as the artist. Great songs are not just great because they entertain us, but because they tell us something about ourselves we didn't otherwise see.
I can't think of a song that has done that more.
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