Friday, December 24, 2021

Perfect Albums, But For One Thing...

Maybe it's because of how long I've spent being a critic, or maybe it's because a background in philosophy has trained me to look for flaws even when they may not be apparent, but the idea of a 'perfect album' is a difficult one for me to embrace. I see the term thrown around quite often, with some people able to easily toss off the names of dozens of albums that fit their criteria. That staggers me, since I can do no such thing. Even among albums I dearly love, there is often something about them I would have changed if I was the one in charge. If I can pick out something I would do differently, the album can't be perfect. That makes sense, doesn't it?

So today I'll run through a list of a few albums I still would not call perfect, even though they are among my favorites. I don't think it diminishes them to point out what I consider their flaws. If anything, being able to acknowledge where they fall short strikes me as an indication I have given the subject plenty of thought. There is no hint of throwing a label of perfection on merely anything I like.

Tonic - Lemon Parade/Head On Straight

Few albums mean as much to me as both of these, yet I can admit there is something about each that holds them back from achieving perfection. In the case of "Lemon Parade", it comes in the form of the closing song, "My Old Man". It is a good song, and I have nothing against it, but the pacing of that song at the end of the record has never sat quite right with me. I don't know where else it would fit in the track listing better, but when "Celtic Aggression" ends, I am seldom in the mood to listen to that somber song to finish things off. My complaint with "Head On Straight" is easier to explain. That album contains "Irish", which is the only Tonic song I actively dislike. I cannot connect to the heritage of the song, and it is too repetitive for my taste, so I can't actually tell you the last time I listened to it. Neither issue stops me from loving these albums as much as any, but they do stop me from calling them perfect.

Meat Loaf - Bat Out Of Hell II

This album is the reason I am a music fan, but I'm not going to cut it any slack. Jim Steinman has a major flaw as a songwriter in that he often doesn't know when to stop. The ending of "Everything Louder Than Everything Else" features a coda of bagpipes that was completely unnecessary. Steinman was amusing himself, but it was time that didn't need to be spent. When you have a seventy minute album, every moment needs to be justified. The same is true of the instrumental, "Back Into Hell". It doesn't serve much purpose, and was later rendered even less important when Steinman recycled its themes into a different song. Now, it seems like a demo that appears on a finished record. Hardly perfect.

Green Day - Warning

This underrated gem is my favorite Green Day album, and is one of those binge albums I can listen to repeatedly in a short span of time, but there is one glaring flaw that has been a blot staring me in the face for the last twenty years. That would be the song "Misery", which does not belong with the rest of the album. Among a set of songs that are packed with hooks and more classic rock and power-pop than their previous bratty punk, we get this one overlong track telling a mediocre story through a bland and uninteresting melody. Oh, and there's an accordion on it too, as if that wasn't enough.

Halestorm - The Strange Case Of...

I can say the same thing about the first Halestorm album; some of the best songs got relegated to bonus tracks. The most egregious of these decisions, at least in my opinion, is the exclusion of "Private Parts". I understand they might have left it off the album because it is recorded as a duet, but I consider it one of the handful of best songs they have ever recorded, and while the album as presented doesn't have a single disappointing song on it, I have always been disappointed that the best song of that recording session was only included on the deluxe edition of the album. A switch of one song for it would have improved an already great record.

The Wallflowers - Breach

I love "Breach", and I've gone so far as to say it might be the reason I started down the path of being a writer myself. However, there is a way the record could have been even better. After the initial flurry of classic Americana rock songs, the album's sequencing has a questionable decision that was made. "Witness" is a quiet, somber track that completely changes the tone of the record, but the real issue comes by following it up with "Up From Under". The two slowest, most dirge-like tracks were put back-to-back, stunting the album's momentum, and creating a big enough lull that skipping the latter track is often necessary. As short as the record is, adding one more energetic song to break up the softest numbers would have been a wise decision.

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