KISS: Go Away So We Can Miss You

KISS finally reached the end of the road, and as we all should have expected, they strapped all-terrain tires on so they don't have to slow down for even a second. If anyone actually thought KISS was going to fade from the scene after promising they were done playing live, I hate to think how naive that would make us.

We all know that music is both an art and a business, but we don't like having it rubbed in our faces that the people we sometimes admire, the people we spend so much of our energy caring about, look at us as nothing but wallets to be sucked dry. Luckily, I don't give a rat's ass about KISS, so this particular situation doesn't stir anything in me other than the usual disappointment with how society as a whole is transforming.

It was bad enough that we could wear KISS Kondoms to prevent groupie-related accidents, and that we could be buried in our KISS Kasket so we look as stupid in the afterlife as we do in this one, but those were relatively harmless endeavors. Every band these days has merch, often of questionable varieties, which is actually going to be KISS' biggest legacy as a band. Man, that's a depressing thought, isn't it?

As soon as the band was done playing their last concert on their last tour, it was announced that the band was not going anywhere, and they would soon be back out playing 'live' in avatar form. We saw this already with the Ronnie James Dio hologram, but KISS is already a living cartoon, so it almost makes you wonder if there's any difference between seeing the band themselves, as opposed to an animation of them. At least you won't be able to see the avatar straining to keep up with the absurdity of wearing those costumes and make-up well into their Social Security ages.

Where this leads my thoughts are to what this all means for music as a whole. We have already seen new music and new bands decimated by almost all forms of rock radio refusing to give up on the past. Whether you turn on the actual classic rock stations, or you go to one geared more toward modern rock, there is shockingly little new music being played. On the rock station I happen to hear from time to time, about half of the music they play is from the period between 1990 and 2005. Classic rock, obviously, is exclusively the even older stuff.

Where does that leave new bands?

They can't get their songs on the radio, and MTV doesn't play music anymore, so the conduits directly into our ears are no longer there. If anything, we are being fed a diet of exclusively old music, which only feeds into the idea that the old days were better than whatever is going on today. The one place where newer bands could compete was on the concert stage. Those bands could tour harder and longer than the old guys, so they could find the cracks in between the mega tours to try to make a name for themselves.

Now, even that opening is being nailed shut. As bands like KISS make clear they aren't going to leave the stage even as they die off, the old guard bands will continue to monopolize the venues, and the attention of the audiences. Few people are going to take a chance on going to see a new artist when the nicer venue across the street has a brand name they've already heard of. Yes, that includes when the brand name is nothing but an avatar. Actor's performances in movies are often enhanced to disgusting degrees by CGI without audiences rebelling and demanding more authenticity, so what are the odds that music fans will follow suit?

It very well might happen, but not until the fans of these old bands from the same generation are gone. As long as the older fans are the ones with the most money to spend on concerts, and they haven't listened to a new record since KISS put their make-up back on, we're stuck in a doom loop where the natural life cycle of music isn't allowed to exist.

When a band can't cut it live anymore, they're supposed to retire and find something else to do. Paul and Gene clearly don't need the money, but they can't help themselves. Rather than retire comfortably, and perhaps feel proud of all the bands who looked up to KISS for reasons I've never understood, they are taking steps to ensure the following generations never get their foot in the door.

It's all part of the mentality that there's only a certain amount of success to go around, and no matter how much of it you have had, seeing anyone else get some feels like it's being taken away from you. I actually feel sorry for people who think that way, because it means they likely can never be happy. Nothing will ever be enough.

The KISS avatars are akin to musical Viagra, and perhaps a metaphor about erections is the only thing they can understand. This isn't what anyone means when they say a corpse has gone stiff. KISS is embalming themselves to be wheeled out like a circus sideshow, and while there are plenty of suckers out there who will spend money because they can't stand staying home for a night, I hope the rest of us realize how much this resembles the fruitless search for the fountain of youth. There are so many things KISS could be doing, and they choose to try to keep living in the past.

What a terrible day to be a fan. Good thing I'm not.